Well, the thoughts are attempting to brain-wreck me. I'm a woman with one mission and a myriad of goals...it seems. But, in reality, I only notice all the mental noise because I am desperately trying to keep it silent in my head.
So...many...distractions...
I could ask her why would I lie? But, that just opens me up to the entire family again...and I want to be free of that...
I could ask him why did he lie? But, that would just make me feel pitiful about myself...and I want to be free of that...
I could wonder again why are they talking about me, are they talking about me, what are the talking about, and why does it bother me...
But, the bottom-line is talk is useless and my actions are speaking now.
What do I mean...the consensus seems to be that I care too little about the service...too much about my internal workings...and never enough about what they want. But, is this really a fair assessment of my skills, desires, and abilities?
The thing about judgement is it is rarely the stick by which we measure ourselves so much as we measure the world. Money, status, power, prestige, fame, trappings of all kinds...and me...just skirting the edges and dipping into the pool of knowledge to pull out the dead, cold fish, and to pet the algae-eaters.
Someone has to keep the pool clean.
I am all out of cabana boys.
~AC
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