You want to smack me?
You want to commensurate with your Financial Adviser?
You want to shoot me the Birdie?
You're breaking my heart.
Of course, in order to get that far, you had to steal it first.
But, let's bygones be bygones.
I really need prayers. I still have healing to do.
Think you can get over the wounded pride long enough to do that?
'Cause I pray for you...and I do it because in my heart...I am lead to do so.
Follow His example.
Pick-up your cross and follow Him.
~CJ
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Shock and Awe...
It is amazing how we fit into the Eternal Plan of Life.
I was always taught in Sunday School that the Church was the Body of Christ.
It was explained, first it is Baptism, then First Communion, then Affirmation of Baptism (Confirmation), then a Wedding, then New Baptisms for the Babies, and eventually the Rite of passage which is the Death of the Body and Eternal Life for the Soul -- which becomes Spirit as it is welcomed back into Universal Love.
But, to be the Body of Christ...
His hands, His feet, His heart, His brain, His liver, His spleen, His thyroid and parathyroid glands, His stomach, His trachea, His diaphragm, His lungs, His pancreas, His bile ducts, His appendix, His duodenum, His mandible, His ilium, His left and right patellas, femurs, radii, ulnas, cuneiforms, (shall I go on...)
And yes...
Even His rectum...
Rectum?
Wrecked 'em?!
I damn-near killed 'em.
~ AC
I was always taught in Sunday School that the Church was the Body of Christ.
It was explained, first it is Baptism, then First Communion, then Affirmation of Baptism (Confirmation), then a Wedding, then New Baptisms for the Babies, and eventually the Rite of passage which is the Death of the Body and Eternal Life for the Soul -- which becomes Spirit as it is welcomed back into Universal Love.
But, to be the Body of Christ...
His hands, His feet, His heart, His brain, His liver, His spleen, His thyroid and parathyroid glands, His stomach, His trachea, His diaphragm, His lungs, His pancreas, His bile ducts, His appendix, His duodenum, His mandible, His ilium, His left and right patellas, femurs, radii, ulnas, cuneiforms, (shall I go on...)
And yes...
Even His rectum...
Rectum?
Wrecked 'em?!
I damn-near killed 'em.
~ AC
Confidentiality and the Lesson
I suppose I could have held my piece.
You know, just smiled instead of laying into the heart of the matter?
But, if He wanted to know the truth, He should have just asked me.
Was it really necessary to have me interrogated?
Oh...LOL...surely someone thought so.
But, that guy is keeping his silence now, right, left, up, down, street after street, row after row of bodies...and for what...tell me...because if I have to guess...I might be given the truth...and then what are you going to do?
Pleading the Fifth?
Are you pissed because I'm correct?
'Cause I can hear you.
~ AC
You know, just smiled instead of laying into the heart of the matter?
But, if He wanted to know the truth, He should have just asked me.
Was it really necessary to have me interrogated?
Oh...LOL...surely someone thought so.
But, that guy is keeping his silence now, right, left, up, down, street after street, row after row of bodies...and for what...tell me...because if I have to guess...I might be given the truth...and then what are you going to do?
Pleading the Fifth?
Are you pissed because I'm correct?
'Cause I can hear you.
~ AC
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Tying Them Up in Knots
They are all slip knots...
But, who bothers to check that when all they know is someone is typing them up?
This would go so much more smoothly for all of us if they'd put the rope down and walk away.
Binding rituals are for people who need to be bound.
Get the scissors.
Mosquito Hemostats?
Hmmm...I love surgeons...
Did I ever tell you about M*A*S*H?
Mansion, Apartment, Shack, or House?
Pick a location -- quiet as a mouse.
First one to find me is a total louse.
Mansion, Apartment, Shack, or House?
~AC
But, who bothers to check that when all they know is someone is typing them up?
This would go so much more smoothly for all of us if they'd put the rope down and walk away.
Binding rituals are for people who need to be bound.
Get the scissors.
Mosquito Hemostats?
Hmmm...I love surgeons...
Did I ever tell you about M*A*S*H?
Mansion, Apartment, Shack, or House?
Pick a location -- quiet as a mouse.
First one to find me is a total louse.
Mansion, Apartment, Shack, or House?
~AC
Angels
Please relax.
The fact that I have to code everything is an example of the Glory of God.
He told me, "today we work and tomorrow we rest."
He was speaking to me.
For some reason, some people, believe He is speaking to them.
Not sure who they hear...well...of course...I know who they hear...but that's just part of the mystery of it all. And Investigators love a good mystery, correct? I mean, you are having fun? Justice...great fun. I love it. I love having to do this. I love taking my Saturday and hunting down liars and scared children and murderers and missing people. I love talking to the living, the almost-dead, and the almost-most-sincerely dead.
I love sharing a planet with people who litter. I love sharing a planet with people who miss the entire point of their own lives of service. If that bothers you...does it apply?
Remember...
We are in this together.
You cover my 6...
(This is not a drill...someone is coming for me at 6:00 PM...please be ready.)
I'll cover 12:00 AM - 5:59 PM and 6:01 PM - 11:59 PM, okay?
*grins*
~ AC
The fact that I have to code everything is an example of the Glory of God.
He told me, "today we work and tomorrow we rest."
He was speaking to me.
For some reason, some people, believe He is speaking to them.
Not sure who they hear...well...of course...I know who they hear...but that's just part of the mystery of it all. And Investigators love a good mystery, correct? I mean, you are having fun? Justice...great fun. I love it. I love having to do this. I love taking my Saturday and hunting down liars and scared children and murderers and missing people. I love talking to the living, the almost-dead, and the almost-most-sincerely dead.
I love sharing a planet with people who litter. I love sharing a planet with people who miss the entire point of their own lives of service. If that bothers you...does it apply?
Remember...
We are in this together.
You cover my 6...
(This is not a drill...someone is coming for me at 6:00 PM...please be ready.)
I'll cover 12:00 AM - 5:59 PM and 6:01 PM - 11:59 PM, okay?
*grins*
~ AC
Temper...Distemper...Tempered...
I have a temper.
It comes from distemper.
But, I am tempering it.
Slamming doors is perfectly harmless as long as people keep their foot out of my door.
Go sell it somewhere else.
I have everything I need.
~AC
It comes from distemper.
But, I am tempering it.
Slamming doors is perfectly harmless as long as people keep their foot out of my door.
Go sell it somewhere else.
I have everything I need.
~AC
Friday, May 29, 2015
Leaving Me Out...
My Mom once told me that when I was born I looked like a box of Christmas decorations that had been left out on the curb in the rain for three weeks. They made her write an entire report on me. What was the Lamaze like? Did controlled breathing help? Did she like having Dad present? Could she have used more pain blockers? Was natural child-birth the only way to go?
Then she wrote about me:
A box of Christmas decorations left out on the curb in the rain for three weeks...
Highly complementary?
Guess it depends on whether you take care of your Christmas Traditions.
My family does.
Presents, booze, fires, Christmas tree, stockings we made years ago, Christmas Parties, long conversations in a toasty house, with too much food, and too little honest conversations about where we are in our lives. But, we do pray...over our dinner...
What do they really know about me?
That I like to create, surely, but did they ever once support my dream to be more than a half-baked Artiste? Since when do Mathematicians and Scientists use Art for more than a random hobby? And when I did create...was it ever for more than lining their pockets with royalties...if I ever became less than useful to them on their combined quest?
Did they even know about my penchant for Literary Composition before they crucified my character and left me out with the trash...the Christmas trash...on January 13...after the wise men had their say...after the angels sang...after the shepherds followed their songs to the stable.
Did you know, I turned thirteen on Friday the 13th?
Do you know, that I am, possibly, the only person on the entire planet who understand the wisdom behind superstition?
Did you know, that my dreams are passionate, beautiful, and completely fulfilled?
Did you know, it's only because I trust God that I am alive to see them come to fruition?
Do you know, I only win because I give everything I have away...
You have the blogs, you have the tests, you have the journals, you have the poetry, you have the Art, you have my heart...oh God...and they are my testament to You...to Your Love.
Study it all...if you want to waste more time...but...it will be much better to take a file...read it...sit in lotus for 5 minutes...and follow your gut...
*zzzzzzzz*
~AC
Then she wrote about me:
A box of Christmas decorations left out on the curb in the rain for three weeks...
Highly complementary?
Guess it depends on whether you take care of your Christmas Traditions.
My family does.
Presents, booze, fires, Christmas tree, stockings we made years ago, Christmas Parties, long conversations in a toasty house, with too much food, and too little honest conversations about where we are in our lives. But, we do pray...over our dinner...
What do they really know about me?
That I like to create, surely, but did they ever once support my dream to be more than a half-baked Artiste? Since when do Mathematicians and Scientists use Art for more than a random hobby? And when I did create...was it ever for more than lining their pockets with royalties...if I ever became less than useful to them on their combined quest?
Did they even know about my penchant for Literary Composition before they crucified my character and left me out with the trash...the Christmas trash...on January 13...after the wise men had their say...after the angels sang...after the shepherds followed their songs to the stable.
Did you know, I turned thirteen on Friday the 13th?
Do you know, that I am, possibly, the only person on the entire planet who understand the wisdom behind superstition?
Did you know, that my dreams are passionate, beautiful, and completely fulfilled?
Did you know, it's only because I trust God that I am alive to see them come to fruition?
Do you know, I only win because I give everything I have away...
You have the blogs, you have the tests, you have the journals, you have the poetry, you have the Art, you have my heart...oh God...and they are my testament to You...to Your Love.
Study it all...if you want to waste more time...but...it will be much better to take a file...read it...sit in lotus for 5 minutes...and follow your gut...
*zzzzzzzz*
~AC
Blessed Sleep
And while everyone else is wide awake and working...
I will nap.
Enjoy your shift.
I'll be back at my normally-scheduled and appointed hour.
Not sure when?
Ask CJ...I'm sure He'll be happy to help you out with the details.
Scratch?
Chickens....go dig in the dirt for some more leads...
Most of the cases are dead-ends at this point.
*sleeps tight*
~AC
I will nap.
Enjoy your shift.
I'll be back at my normally-scheduled and appointed hour.
Not sure when?
Ask CJ...I'm sure He'll be happy to help you out with the details.
Scratch?
Chickens....go dig in the dirt for some more leads...
Most of the cases are dead-ends at this point.
*sleeps tight*
~AC
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
The Difference
Between Kill and Murder...
Is simple...
Killing is Righteous and Murder is Unrighteous.
The difference is God.
Therefore, if we murder each other we are unrighteous.
If God kills us we deserve it.
(PS...why would God kill us? We are His creation and He loves us. PSYCHO.)
Clear?
~AC
Is simple...
Killing is Righteous and Murder is Unrighteous.
The difference is God.
Therefore, if we murder each other we are unrighteous.
If God kills us we deserve it.
(PS...why would God kill us? We are His creation and He loves us. PSYCHO.)
Clear?
~AC
Everyday
I remember.
You thought the coma would keep me silent.
You thought the ECT would make me respond to your torture.
You were so sure.
But, who taught you?
Who taught you that the pain was worth the price?
And who put you through the medical procedures?
Oh right.
That was all inflicted on your victims.
You can run.
But, hiding?
That is the reason you fail.
And failure...in my life...is not an option.
It was the key to my survival.
~AC
You thought the coma would keep me silent.
You thought the ECT would make me respond to your torture.
You were so sure.
But, who taught you?
Who taught you that the pain was worth the price?
And who put you through the medical procedures?
Oh right.
That was all inflicted on your victims.
You can run.
But, hiding?
That is the reason you fail.
And failure...in my life...is not an option.
It was the key to my survival.
~AC
Fear: Soul Slavery
I am still living like a slave to my own fear.
Am I afraid?
All signs to the contrary...
And yet...
The argument is more what will I do?
Will I stay, will I go, will I disappear, will I travel, will I pay it forward, will I build a house, will I go back to therapy, will I make new friends, will I write, paint, create, will I ever find a way to feel safe?
What if I just sit still, quiet, frozen in place until the hawks circle over someone else, the owls bed down during the day, the eagles feed something other than meat to their young?
Will it ever be over?
Will the pain I feel, the over-whelming sadness in my Soul, the all encompassing darkness in my mind be lifted?
Will it?
Not my Will.
http://biblehub.com/luke/22-42.htm
~AC
Am I afraid?
All signs to the contrary...
And yet...
The argument is more what will I do?
Will I stay, will I go, will I disappear, will I travel, will I pay it forward, will I build a house, will I go back to therapy, will I make new friends, will I write, paint, create, will I ever find a way to feel safe?
What if I just sit still, quiet, frozen in place until the hawks circle over someone else, the owls bed down during the day, the eagles feed something other than meat to their young?
Will it ever be over?
Will the pain I feel, the over-whelming sadness in my Soul, the all encompassing darkness in my mind be lifted?
Will it?
Not my Will.
http://biblehub.com/luke/22-42.htm
~AC
Writing for My Own...
Amusement...
I used to be amused. I used to have the time and space to create my own little world of perfection. I used to spend hours leading people around by their noses, because they refused to be sheep. They keep telling me to trust Him. I do. I trust Him to do exactly as He wishes -- every moment of Eternity. I trust Him to teach, counsel, smile, offer compassion, heal, support, tell jokes, and be absolutely wonderful.
I also expect Him to cheat on me by refusing the generosity of My Love for Him.
His choice.
I came down here to clear-up the air and water.
His choice.
I came down here with a plan for my life.
His choice.
Do you actually think, for one second, that my life is anything but a gift from God?
His choice.
He could -- and has attempted -- to kill me and to save me because He is incapable of making up His mind.
His choice.
Luci bet on this.
But He wanted me to complete my mission on His behalf.
His choice.
What?
Whose choice? Wait a second. Does the English language fall down when it comes to pronouns at the beginning of a sentence? His, him, boys, men...
Whose choice?
Oh right.
Her choice.
~AC
I used to be amused. I used to have the time and space to create my own little world of perfection. I used to spend hours leading people around by their noses, because they refused to be sheep. They keep telling me to trust Him. I do. I trust Him to do exactly as He wishes -- every moment of Eternity. I trust Him to teach, counsel, smile, offer compassion, heal, support, tell jokes, and be absolutely wonderful.
I also expect Him to cheat on me by refusing the generosity of My Love for Him.
His choice.
I came down here to clear-up the air and water.
His choice.
I came down here with a plan for my life.
His choice.
Do you actually think, for one second, that my life is anything but a gift from God?
His choice.
He could -- and has attempted -- to kill me and to save me because He is incapable of making up His mind.
His choice.
Luci bet on this.
But He wanted me to complete my mission on His behalf.
His choice.
What?
Whose choice? Wait a second. Does the English language fall down when it comes to pronouns at the beginning of a sentence? His, him, boys, men...
Whose choice?
Oh right.
Her choice.
~AC
Take it...
In the spirit of which it is intended...
Why would I insult your intelligence?
You are doing awesome work in the field.
You are greatly appreciated for all of your amazing skills, your precious heart, and your dedication to the Goal of World Peace.
Now, repeat after me, I have the greatest friend in the whole world...
Because I do...
~AC
Why would I insult your intelligence?
You are doing awesome work in the field.
You are greatly appreciated for all of your amazing skills, your precious heart, and your dedication to the Goal of World Peace.
Now, repeat after me, I have the greatest friend in the whole world...
Because I do...
~AC
I Slept...
Yep.
A Baby...
Everyone else was on a sugar high.
But, I slept like a Baby.
I slept like a Baby who dreamed about almost being hit by a truck.
And then I rolled over slept some more, alone, and I was perfectly happy to do so.
Because...I am alone...for all intents and purposes...
Or is it intensive-purposes...
Go to your concubine.
God made me perfect just the way I am, too.
*laughs*
~AC
A Baby...
Everyone else was on a sugar high.
But, I slept like a Baby.
I slept like a Baby who dreamed about almost being hit by a truck.
And then I rolled over slept some more, alone, and I was perfectly happy to do so.
Because...I am alone...for all intents and purposes...
Or is it intensive-purposes...
Go to your concubine.
God made me perfect just the way I am, too.
*laughs*
~AC
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
How to Leave the Service...
If you're not dead, put your money or your time in the private sector...
Volunteer?
Build a Non-Profit?
Just a thought...
~AC
Volunteer?
Build a Non-Profit?
Just a thought...
~AC
Monday, May 25, 2015
Scotland
What an excellent country you are turning into but why does it take leaning on you to make you put the alcohol down and pay attention? I realize that you want me over to set me up for them. Either way I play it, I win. So, the question is...do I bother to play it...
Let's see. When I invited you over you told me to go boil my head, you lying little c***. So, now that they have you by the short-hairs you want to play nice? Might should start wearing a cup under your kilt.
Leaving your nuts exposed like that...not real smart...unless you intend on having them handed back to you on a silver platter...
Yes.
I know.
They are all still thinking it is a game.
Finish out your time, get the lawyer to clear the charge, and then -- if you still want to be friends -- let me know. I'm forgiving like that. They, on the other-hand, will do anything in the world, to manipulate me -- including using my friends against me.
Despicable, yes.
They just refuse to let me go.
And they wonder why my oldest cousin took her brain and heart and disappeared.
At some point, you have to be free to fly, and that means no safety nets.
No radioactive tracking dots, no tracking chips and radio transmitters in the mouth, and no stupid chatter in my mind when I have asked repeatedly for silence.
Rain, rain, go away.
Come again some other day.
If I want to try and play.
God, above, will find away.
Stop scoffing, Sir, or I will find some way to make sure you are on every watch-list in the world.
After all, I know everyone.
~AC
Let's see. When I invited you over you told me to go boil my head, you lying little c***. So, now that they have you by the short-hairs you want to play nice? Might should start wearing a cup under your kilt.
Leaving your nuts exposed like that...not real smart...unless you intend on having them handed back to you on a silver platter...
Yes.
I know.
They are all still thinking it is a game.
Finish out your time, get the lawyer to clear the charge, and then -- if you still want to be friends -- let me know. I'm forgiving like that. They, on the other-hand, will do anything in the world, to manipulate me -- including using my friends against me.
Despicable, yes.
They just refuse to let me go.
And they wonder why my oldest cousin took her brain and heart and disappeared.
At some point, you have to be free to fly, and that means no safety nets.
No radioactive tracking dots, no tracking chips and radio transmitters in the mouth, and no stupid chatter in my mind when I have asked repeatedly for silence.
Rain, rain, go away.
Come again some other day.
If I want to try and play.
God, above, will find away.
Stop scoffing, Sir, or I will find some way to make sure you are on every watch-list in the world.
After all, I know everyone.
~AC
Her Intuition and All Shades of Gray...
Oh, feel you, surely, Sir. But, I am also sensing you...your fine sandy hair...and your eyes of forest moss. But, being more interested in writing for my own amusement, I move forward from your 7th Grade writing prompt and 3rd Degree Masochism. Surely, they could have sent more verily an Artiste -- but your skills and wit are to be commended for their innocence...
###
Swinging in the contraption and bending backwards as a nimble cat -- I deftly catch the blade stashed in my 4-inch stiletto. As quick as lightening, I am free from the ties that bind. Slowly, I remove the silk from my eyes -- and with the innocence so prevalent in those of high-upbringing -- I look you square. My eyes glint green as a black cat's on All Hallow's Eve.
"Tie me up again and you shall find yourself in the arms of my maid-servants who much more appreciate the toying about. If you are to approach a Lady with bravery and ability -- you must woo her. Being of innocence yourself -- I find there is little I might offer in way of stimulation that will diminish your capacity for virility. But, as you might have noticed, there is a bit of the dark, smoldering Irish fire in the highlights of my raven hair."
###
I heal myself -- and Al that is our actual reality -- is but a pawn to my whims. I am quite a different Lass than you had assumed -- wouldn't you agree? So, tell me -- Sir -- are you prepared for the relationship of equals? If not, go back to your Harlequin. And if so, how do you account for your boorish behavior in said dungeon?
###
Swinging in the contraption and bending backwards as a nimble cat -- I deftly catch the blade stashed in my 4-inch stiletto. As quick as lightening, I am free from the ties that bind. Slowly, I remove the silk from my eyes -- and with the innocence so prevalent in those of high-upbringing -- I look you square. My eyes glint green as a black cat's on All Hallow's Eve.
"Tie me up again and you shall find yourself in the arms of my maid-servants who much more appreciate the toying about. If you are to approach a Lady with bravery and ability -- you must woo her. Being of innocence yourself -- I find there is little I might offer in way of stimulation that will diminish your capacity for virility. But, as you might have noticed, there is a bit of the dark, smoldering Irish fire in the highlights of my raven hair."
###
I heal myself -- and Al that is our actual reality -- is but a pawn to my whims. I am quite a different Lass than you had assumed -- wouldn't you agree? So, tell me -- Sir -- are you prepared for the relationship of equals? If not, go back to your Harlequin. And if so, how do you account for your boorish behavior in said dungeon?
Snoops and Dodgers
You know, when you leave your personal life in clear view you should be able to expect people to give you the courtesy of privacy. But, since people are nosy, they might just go after all of your stuff with reckless abandon and then dodge all your direct questions.
For instance, Brooklyn.
A beautiful person...truly...a bit sticky-fingered from her peanut butter and jelly...but then...I can forgive that. After all, all thieves leave their fingerprints on stuff. Then the cops get involved and the dodge is in place because the bigger goal is to bust someone else...right, Brooklyn?
Riding that train...wearing my favorite charm bracelet...couldn't help it...they gave you the key...right...I mean...they told you...do it...or we are going to bust you and all your little pot-smoking, cocaine-snorting, pill-dropping little Hipster 'friends'.
*smiles*
Dodge all you want.
Parents only ask because they already know the answer and they want to know if you will tell the truth. You wanted to be a psychologist? Here's your chance.
###
And the Little Lion Clublet...absolutely innocent...except when she is trying to pin me with her Daddy's weed. You thought I was blind and you figured I was high because I preferred it. What you didn't realize is that I know my Mom asked your Mom to set me up. They're 'best friends'. How did you think, for one second, that I was so blind that I would do anything short of having that wired conversation?
You wonder why you can't find a job?
How many times did they drug-test you?
How much cocaine did you snort with that crazy Greek Bastard?
~AC
For instance, Brooklyn.
A beautiful person...truly...a bit sticky-fingered from her peanut butter and jelly...but then...I can forgive that. After all, all thieves leave their fingerprints on stuff. Then the cops get involved and the dodge is in place because the bigger goal is to bust someone else...right, Brooklyn?
Riding that train...wearing my favorite charm bracelet...couldn't help it...they gave you the key...right...I mean...they told you...do it...or we are going to bust you and all your little pot-smoking, cocaine-snorting, pill-dropping little Hipster 'friends'.
*smiles*
Dodge all you want.
Parents only ask because they already know the answer and they want to know if you will tell the truth. You wanted to be a psychologist? Here's your chance.
###
And the Little Lion Clublet...absolutely innocent...except when she is trying to pin me with her Daddy's weed. You thought I was blind and you figured I was high because I preferred it. What you didn't realize is that I know my Mom asked your Mom to set me up. They're 'best friends'. How did you think, for one second, that I was so blind that I would do anything short of having that wired conversation?
You wonder why you can't find a job?
How many times did they drug-test you?
How much cocaine did you snort with that crazy Greek Bastard?
~AC
Sunday, May 24, 2015
The Limb
I did some research years ago about the role of a tree doctor. If a tree has a diseased limb it is absolute necessary to cut it off in order to save the tree. In this case, the limb is paying for its sexual promiscuity through its soul-level incongruity. I was given all manners of disease at the interference of this branch of my family. Of course, I never was told to be safe by the people who raised me. The sex talk never happened. After all, when you grow-up on a farm you learn about sex as a natural part of the Circle of Life.
It cost me my health...a lot...
It nearly cost me my life...and the life of someone I love dearly...
I was used as a scud missile to take down some unsavory characters...
Nationalists.
But, healing is possible...given enough time...the body will identify and remove foreign viruses, bacterial infections, and fungus. It just takes time. Time I have. Time I have allowed to Jesus -- the Great Doctor -- to use to heal me.
All these side effects, this insanity, this emotional-discontinuity, they are signs of disease -- from when I trusted people and they failed me -- in some cases out-rightly attempting germ warfare through the only means they could design -- setting me up with men who were unclean -- and pretending they had nothing to do with it -- even though the drugs were present and the fix was in.
This racist-branch and generation of my Paternal family -- still believe they can control the population -- by making horrendous choices of controlling other people. This is the limb God cut off my tree.
Like I said before...my Cowboy Boot...is by far the best of the lot. On the extended tree it is a second cousin-in-law once-removed, codenamed April, who has has saved her position in my life by showing me great generosity of Spirit. These two are the sprouts that grow from the trunk of the tree.
Because of these beautiful Souls, the family might learn to love me through these two awesome examples. The family might yet put forth that love behind regrowing the beauty the family lost when it turned from a much-simpler path.
All their hope lay within His heart.
There was never anything in their minds for me...until now...
~AC
It cost me my health...a lot...
It nearly cost me my life...and the life of someone I love dearly...
I was used as a scud missile to take down some unsavory characters...
Nationalists.
But, healing is possible...given enough time...the body will identify and remove foreign viruses, bacterial infections, and fungus. It just takes time. Time I have. Time I have allowed to Jesus -- the Great Doctor -- to use to heal me.
All these side effects, this insanity, this emotional-discontinuity, they are signs of disease -- from when I trusted people and they failed me -- in some cases out-rightly attempting germ warfare through the only means they could design -- setting me up with men who were unclean -- and pretending they had nothing to do with it -- even though the drugs were present and the fix was in.
This racist-branch and generation of my Paternal family -- still believe they can control the population -- by making horrendous choices of controlling other people. This is the limb God cut off my tree.
Like I said before...my Cowboy Boot...is by far the best of the lot. On the extended tree it is a second cousin-in-law once-removed, codenamed April, who has has saved her position in my life by showing me great generosity of Spirit. These two are the sprouts that grow from the trunk of the tree.
Because of these beautiful Souls, the family might learn to love me through these two awesome examples. The family might yet put forth that love behind regrowing the beauty the family lost when it turned from a much-simpler path.
All their hope lay within His heart.
There was never anything in their minds for me...until now...
~AC
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Pancakes and Sausage
Ring-a-Ding-a-Ding...
Since you are still watching me under the guise of some silly FBI mind-trick, I thought I might let you in on a little secret. I love you. I will always love you. But, you need to realize that when I build a home and consider raising a family, I do it with my eyes open.
You wanted to be friends?
I wanted that too.
But, you were determined to believe I am mysterious, a gold-digger, and was out for your riches.
It's like a car wreck...
You want to...but..you can't look away.
You really should have asked my permission before making that video.
Oops.
~AC
Since you are still watching me under the guise of some silly FBI mind-trick, I thought I might let you in on a little secret. I love you. I will always love you. But, you need to realize that when I build a home and consider raising a family, I do it with my eyes open.
You wanted to be friends?
I wanted that too.
But, you were determined to believe I am mysterious, a gold-digger, and was out for your riches.
It's like a car wreck...
You want to...but..you can't look away.
You really should have asked my permission before making that video.
Oops.
~AC
What is Truth?
Evidence.
That is all.
It could be that I am lying...but...then again...why would I?
Why would I walk in the streets of New Orleans, by an underground prayer meeting, held in the basement of a bar, and hear the words, "The Flood is Coming..." in October in 2003?
Why would I cower, afraid for my life, not even 3 years ago, in the dead of night, while I listened to the screams and then the silence of rail cars. We have the names of the victims...although...they've been washed out to sea as ash upon the waters.
You want me to shut the hell-up?
Perhaps that is what I was doing the whole time.
Because, after all, who would have believed me?
Lying by omission...
It is still lying...
It is just as deadly...
And it is time to come clean.
Ask the question of the entire staff.
If they blink when they say Christ Jesus...crucify them...
~AC
That is all.
It could be that I am lying...but...then again...why would I?
Why would I walk in the streets of New Orleans, by an underground prayer meeting, held in the basement of a bar, and hear the words, "The Flood is Coming..." in October in 2003?
Why would I cower, afraid for my life, not even 3 years ago, in the dead of night, while I listened to the screams and then the silence of rail cars. We have the names of the victims...although...they've been washed out to sea as ash upon the waters.
You want me to shut the hell-up?
Perhaps that is what I was doing the whole time.
Because, after all, who would have believed me?
Lying by omission...
It is still lying...
It is just as deadly...
And it is time to come clean.
Ask the question of the entire staff.
If they blink when they say Christ Jesus...crucify them...
~AC
Rest for the Weary...
There is nothing in the world as sweet as Memorial Day.
Summer. Cook-outs. Celebration of our Freedom through the lives lost for more than a Military of coups. It's the remembrance of those we have lost to the battle. The War is God's. But, we fight the battles.
Right up until it is time to take our ball...and go home...and now we're home.
The Home of the Brave.
The Land of the Free.
They wondered...where did that damn football go?
I guess someone took it back.
Someone in Delta Black...
Someone in Regal Blue...
Someone in Ranger Green...
Someone in the Marine Corp of BDU Camo Brown?
The public may never know.
But, when America has a HERO...
A real Welcome Home is the gift we offer.
And for those who are broken, battered, and emotionally-intellectually shredded...
We put the body back together, give their families a celebration, and heal their PTSD.
Because, in America, no one is left behind.
~AC
Summer. Cook-outs. Celebration of our Freedom through the lives lost for more than a Military of coups. It's the remembrance of those we have lost to the battle. The War is God's. But, we fight the battles.
Right up until it is time to take our ball...and go home...and now we're home.
The Home of the Brave.
The Land of the Free.
They wondered...where did that damn football go?
I guess someone took it back.
Someone in Delta Black...
Someone in Regal Blue...
Someone in Ranger Green...
Someone in the Marine Corp of BDU Camo Brown?
The public may never know.
But, when America has a HERO...
A real Welcome Home is the gift we offer.
And for those who are broken, battered, and emotionally-intellectually shredded...
We put the body back together, give their families a celebration, and heal their PTSD.
Because, in America, no one is left behind.
~AC
The Thirteenth Step
Trip.
So, I am spending my time working like hell to see that my family is taken care of...too...
Go ahead...
Spit it out. You know you think you have something to say to me...but you spend all your time talking about me behind my back...
"We're protecting you."
"I love you."
"We know how to make your dreams come true."
And yet, you never once asked me what kind of protection I really needed.
You never loved yourself enough to be honest.
And you never asked me about my dreams.
So, go ahead.
Speak up.
You know so much.
Let's hear it.
~AC
So, I am spending my time working like hell to see that my family is taken care of...too...
Go ahead...
Spit it out. You know you think you have something to say to me...but you spend all your time talking about me behind my back...
"We're protecting you."
"I love you."
"We know how to make your dreams come true."
And yet, you never once asked me what kind of protection I really needed.
You never loved yourself enough to be honest.
And you never asked me about my dreams.
So, go ahead.
Speak up.
You know so much.
Let's hear it.
~AC
Thursday, May 21, 2015
What it Means to Me...
Friendship is an extremely important tool in evaluation.
While I enjoy the intelligence of my friends immensely I work very hard (or easily because I am naturally introspective) to keep out of their emotions. The reason for this is because causing them to watch their every action and evaluate their own feelings is important. I'll be happy to listen. But, if you bring it to me expect the truth offered by route of opinion.
Now, remember what I said the other day about the route to the path?
It is the mark of great intelligence to get on the path without having to be routed.
But, if you need the help, it is always available.
And, if you can't tell if people are trying to help you, they aren't your friends.
All clear?
~AC
While I enjoy the intelligence of my friends immensely I work very hard (or easily because I am naturally introspective) to keep out of their emotions. The reason for this is because causing them to watch their every action and evaluate their own feelings is important. I'll be happy to listen. But, if you bring it to me expect the truth offered by route of opinion.
Now, remember what I said the other day about the route to the path?
It is the mark of great intelligence to get on the path without having to be routed.
But, if you need the help, it is always available.
And, if you can't tell if people are trying to help you, they aren't your friends.
All clear?
~AC
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
*SIGHS*
So Shaz is still wondering...what happened...and it is so simple.
My family is positively twisted. That's all.
In Cali, it is so straight-forward. Who has time to worry about other people's business? It's always down-time or hustling.
But, it's all gray-area here:
People playing find-muck with half-a-brain. Breaking laws at will, pretending we're still two countries on one-third of a continent, and missing the entire point of social commentary because of the blinders and the roar of the freak-show around the underground drug-trade.
So, drop me some more Lamectil.
Put me in the hospital.
Whatever makes you feel like a man.
But, by God, stop talking to me like an idiot.
Just because I allowed you to treat me like one just means I was waiting to see if you would.
I love my family. We disagree on a lot of things. But, they protect me from a lot, too. It's just the way it is until I live where I want to be, have what I want to have, and live the way I choose.
If you want to steal their time...
You are going to have to go through me.
This is why I respect your parents so much.
They never asked you to choose.
~AC
My family is positively twisted. That's all.
In Cali, it is so straight-forward. Who has time to worry about other people's business? It's always down-time or hustling.
But, it's all gray-area here:
People playing find-muck with half-a-brain. Breaking laws at will, pretending we're still two countries on one-third of a continent, and missing the entire point of social commentary because of the blinders and the roar of the freak-show around the underground drug-trade.
So, drop me some more Lamectil.
Put me in the hospital.
Whatever makes you feel like a man.
But, by God, stop talking to me like an idiot.
Just because I allowed you to treat me like one just means I was waiting to see if you would.
I love my family. We disagree on a lot of things. But, they protect me from a lot, too. It's just the way it is until I live where I want to be, have what I want to have, and live the way I choose.
If you want to steal their time...
You are going to have to go through me.
This is why I respect your parents so much.
They never asked you to choose.
~AC
Monday, May 18, 2015
My Favorite Theme Song...
"Atom Bomb" by Fluke
Lyrics
Baby's got an atom bomb...
A 22-megatons...
Baby got poison gas...
Baby got heart attacks...
Baby got pain on tap...
Hey, Baby, gimme some of that.
(Gimme some of the fat...)
(Gimme some of that...)
(Gimme somethin' on tap...)
(Gimme some of that...)
Baby got a Nobel Prize...
Given for the perfect crime...
Baby got an alibi...
Baby gotta eight more lives...
Baby gotta purple hair...
Baby gotta secret lair...
Baby gotta Army there...
I ain't ever seen Baby scared...
Baby gotta satellite...
Baby gotta second sight...
Baby gotta Master Plan...
A fool-proof Master Plan...
Baby gotta a crystal ball...
Baby doesn't care if it falls...
Baby's havin' too much fun...
Baby's got an atom bomb...
Baby gotta an atom bomb...
Baby gonna let them bomb...
Baby gotta an atom bomb...
(Repeat)
(Gimme some of that...)
Baby gotta fleet at sea...
She gotta submarine we call emergency...
She gotta motorcade...
She gotta monorail...
Going coast-to-coast on the campaign trail.
She gotta a deck of cards...
In an armored car...
She gotta Kung-Fu stars as her bodyguards...
She's gotta juju charm...
She's gotta magic spell...
She's gotta genie...
All three are working well...
She gotta a TV show...
She gotta a shopping mall...
She gotta a miracle...
She doesn't want at all...
She gotta a monument...
At a great expense...
She gotta a Head of State...
And a President...
She got destiny...
She got supremacy...
She got everything covered...
From A to Z...
She's got it all baptized...
She's got nothing wrong...
She's got the whole, wide world...
Singing Baby's songs...
Lyrics
Baby's got an atom bomb...
A 22-megatons...
Baby got poison gas...
Baby got heart attacks...
Baby got pain on tap...
Hey, Baby, gimme some of that.
(Gimme some of the fat...)
(Gimme some of that...)
(Gimme somethin' on tap...)
(Gimme some of that...)
Baby got a Nobel Prize...
Given for the perfect crime...
Baby got an alibi...
Baby gotta eight more lives...
Baby gotta purple hair...
Baby gotta secret lair...
Baby gotta Army there...
I ain't ever seen Baby scared...
Baby gotta satellite...
Baby gotta second sight...
Baby gotta Master Plan...
A fool-proof Master Plan...
Baby gotta a crystal ball...
Baby doesn't care if it falls...
Baby's havin' too much fun...
Baby's got an atom bomb...
Baby gotta an atom bomb...
Baby gonna let them bomb...
Baby gotta an atom bomb...
(Repeat)
(Gimme some of that...)
Baby gotta fleet at sea...
She gotta submarine we call emergency...
She gotta motorcade...
She gotta monorail...
Going coast-to-coast on the campaign trail.
She gotta a deck of cards...
In an armored car...
She gotta Kung-Fu stars as her bodyguards...
She's gotta juju charm...
She's gotta magic spell...
She's gotta genie...
All three are working well...
She gotta a TV show...
She gotta a shopping mall...
She gotta a miracle...
She doesn't want at all...
She gotta a monument...
At a great expense...
She gotta a Head of State...
And a President...
She got destiny...
She got supremacy...
She got everything covered...
From A to Z...
She's got it all baptized...
She's got nothing wrong...
She's got the whole, wide world...
Singing Baby's songs...
Using Me...
Being willing to be a pawn in a game is fun. It's like giving up my entire Soul to the Creator. I just sit by and let the Ego go....watch with the Superego....and let the idiots influence my Id. It is amazing what these criminals will do. Take, for instance, the amount of cocaine the Gangster uses. He literally hijacked my Ego...then my body...turned on my microphone...and then backed-out completely to talk to me. He made his comments.
"You don't sound Southern."
*who does on purpose, except Scarlet O'Hara...and what Yankee appreciates that movie?*
"You seem nice."
*I am...and I'll still slice a bitch."
"I think we might get along."
*We will...and then I'll take you to see St. Valentine and St. Andrew...you twisty, arrogant, smooth-talking, law-ignorant Irish-Italian Nationalist Yankee Bastard.*
The Yankees have Wicked.
The Rebels have Twisted.
They are equally deadly...in large doses...
But, then again, we are all Americans, aren't we?
Or do Terrorists qualify...
I forget.
*laughs*
~AC
"You don't sound Southern."
*who does on purpose, except Scarlet O'Hara...and what Yankee appreciates that movie?*
"You seem nice."
*I am...and I'll still slice a bitch."
"I think we might get along."
*We will...and then I'll take you to see St. Valentine and St. Andrew...you twisty, arrogant, smooth-talking, law-ignorant Irish-Italian Nationalist Yankee Bastard.*
The Yankees have Wicked.
The Rebels have Twisted.
They are equally deadly...in large doses...
But, then again, we are all Americans, aren't we?
Or do Terrorists qualify...
I forget.
*laughs*
~AC
Is it Possible?
Is it possible for me to talk to the biggest gangster in America without trying to seduce him? Why, yes. Yes, it is.
Is it possible for me to find a serial MKR just by wearing a virtual bikini on an Avatar in a virtual world? Why, yes. Yes, it is.
Is it possible for me to show respect to the badge?
No.
I show respect to the man...wearing the badge...when he shows me he respects the badge he wears.
Is this why I am waiting to see what happens next?
No.
It's why I do what I am inspired to do.
I believe in Patriotic duty.
I have been down a long, twisted, dark, and winding road to find mine.
So, is it possible we will in the war on Terror at Home and Abroad?
It is guaranteed.
~AC
Is it possible for me to find a serial MKR just by wearing a virtual bikini on an Avatar in a virtual world? Why, yes. Yes, it is.
Is it possible for me to show respect to the badge?
No.
I show respect to the man...wearing the badge...when he shows me he respects the badge he wears.
Is this why I am waiting to see what happens next?
No.
It's why I do what I am inspired to do.
I believe in Patriotic duty.
I have been down a long, twisted, dark, and winding road to find mine.
So, is it possible we will in the war on Terror at Home and Abroad?
It is guaranteed.
~AC
Sunday, May 17, 2015
The Art of The Snark
There is a way...
To speak your mind...
And make a bee-line right to the heart.
It's calm and profound...
Perfectly sound...
It is called The Art of The Snark...
It's telling people the truth...
It's being aloof...
It's brilliant and carefully-planned.
It is practiced by thieves...
And comic relieves...
It is written in 'sorry' short-hand.
It's military-ease...
Abbreviated relief...
It's coded numbers and symbols galore.
It's on pyramid walls...
On gross bathroom stalls...
And takes mystery out of the gore.
What did she mean?
What did she say?
It's fast like a rapier wit.
It's giving the best...
When there is a test...
Or just when you're giving a S*&^.
~AC
To speak your mind...
And make a bee-line right to the heart.
It's calm and profound...
Perfectly sound...
It is called The Art of The Snark...
It's telling people the truth...
It's being aloof...
It's brilliant and carefully-planned.
It is practiced by thieves...
And comic relieves...
It is written in 'sorry' short-hand.
It's military-ease...
Abbreviated relief...
It's coded numbers and symbols galore.
It's on pyramid walls...
On gross bathroom stalls...
And takes mystery out of the gore.
What did she mean?
What did she say?
It's fast like a rapier wit.
It's giving the best...
When there is a test...
Or just when you're giving a S*&^.
~AC
He is Actually Going to Marry Her...
I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it. I mean, dipping your wick into the company candle is one thing, but making it permanent? How can that be good for business? Unless, of course, they both intend to work for separate branches of the same Agency...or for different Agencies altogether.
I don't know.
I've always worked with people I consider colleagues instead of lovers.
But, I had always heard it was career suicide to fall in love with someone you work with because the emotions are tangled. It's okay if you have professional distance...but to make love...instead of just getting the gonads cooled off...isn't that dangerous?
You put your partner at risk every time you take an assignment.
"When you are in love - you are always insecure..."
Dangerous for Security Agents.
I hope they have enough money to retire into the private sector...permanently.
I wish them the best.
~AC
I don't know.
I've always worked with people I consider colleagues instead of lovers.
But, I had always heard it was career suicide to fall in love with someone you work with because the emotions are tangled. It's okay if you have professional distance...but to make love...instead of just getting the gonads cooled off...isn't that dangerous?
You put your partner at risk every time you take an assignment.
"When you are in love - you are always insecure..."
Dangerous for Security Agents.
I hope they have enough money to retire into the private sector...permanently.
I wish them the best.
~AC
Terrorists-in-the-Making
"If ignorance is bliss -- you must be one happy futher-mucker." ~ AC
I have enjoyed my time in SL. It has been extremely educational.
I want to make sure that those who need to know, know that Spear is going to become one hell of a terrorist, keep an eye on him and inform the Egyptians.
I want to make sure that those who need to know, know that Spear is going to become one hell of a terrorist, keep an eye on him and inform the Egyptians.
Spear has the makings for true evil. Second son of Egyptian parents, just enough intelligence to get him in deep trouble, an interest in exacting revenge on a government, easily-influenced by anyone who is willing to stroke his ego, and then there are the drugs.
He is so high.
He is so high.
Coke-addict...it is in his Hashish...
He wanted to use Arabian poetry to describe my body.
How original...a romantic at heart...
He is extremely dangerous...because he has been scorned by his mother...a woman who...although she was determined to have one son...was raped by her husband and now has two.
He knows he is unloved.
He knows it in his heart although his mind is still catching-up.
He is extremely dangerous...because he has been scorned by his mother...a woman who...although she was determined to have one son...was raped by her husband and now has two.
He knows he is unloved.
He knows it in his heart although his mind is still catching-up.
May Allah have mercy on his soul.
The man controlling Spear is the owner of OM Ham Retreat Centre at JI. Tirta Tawar, Junjungan, Ubud, Bali 80571, Indonesia.
Picture of operations staff: http://www.tat-la.com/contact-us/ -- Third from left...hands and feet do not match face...make-up...and androgynous dress. PS in disguise...again...
Low profile...as usual...but leaving clues everywhere.
~AC
Friday, May 15, 2015
The Lawyer Married the Doctor...
People often wonder how to make the best of their lives here. They scramble over each other...looking for the best way to survive...the most obvious route to the path of least resistance. The most obvious route...not the path...the most obvious route to the path.
And this is where they trip.
The path of least resistance is to give-up the power trip and offer the love to God without the pride-factor.
But the ROUTE...is to pretend we know better...and then watch our house of cards fall down.
I was supposed to be a lawyer.
My parents always said I had a knack for it.
So, I could become a judge.
But, the truth is, I wanted to be rich, powerful, and knowledgeable.
So, I had a choice...
Be proud of myself...follow the ROUTE of thousands of people who want to be rich, powerful, and knowledgeable. Or, volunteer in the trenches...until I discover my true calling...which is just to bring justice to myself...every time I step out of line...every time I bring my karma around to bite me.
And, do I do that.
Of course.
I expect that my strong will is the pain I feel.
I expect that people around me will be unhappy with the choices I make because it means they have to respond in ways alien to them. I expect that I will be polite when it suits me, that I will be professional when it suits me, I believe that I will be capable when it suits me.
But, I am following my intuition.
I truly am. I am following my emotional path, my intellectual path, my physical path, my Spiritual path. I am. No doubt. And I am having a helluva time getting anything accomplished because I have been continually asked to prove myself and subject myself to testing.
The bottom-line...
Enough is enough.
Stand-by for upload of all leads...including the ones you haven't seen yet...and when you want to know how to reorganize your business model, GENTLEMEN, I will be happy to oblige. If not, continue to fumble around and wonder.
Either way...I am teaching those who will replace your departments, organizations, administrations, and agencies...
You saw what the lay-off looked like in 2003?
I hope your portfolios are in check.
I hope your 401Ks are ready for tapping.
I hope you have a lot of Life Insurance.
Because, my friends, I might be a bitch, but death has you beat.
~AC
And this is where they trip.
The path of least resistance is to give-up the power trip and offer the love to God without the pride-factor.
But the ROUTE...is to pretend we know better...and then watch our house of cards fall down.
I was supposed to be a lawyer.
My parents always said I had a knack for it.
So, I could become a judge.
But, the truth is, I wanted to be rich, powerful, and knowledgeable.
So, I had a choice...
Be proud of myself...follow the ROUTE of thousands of people who want to be rich, powerful, and knowledgeable. Or, volunteer in the trenches...until I discover my true calling...which is just to bring justice to myself...every time I step out of line...every time I bring my karma around to bite me.
And, do I do that.
Of course.
I expect that my strong will is the pain I feel.
I expect that people around me will be unhappy with the choices I make because it means they have to respond in ways alien to them. I expect that I will be polite when it suits me, that I will be professional when it suits me, I believe that I will be capable when it suits me.
But, I am following my intuition.
I truly am. I am following my emotional path, my intellectual path, my physical path, my Spiritual path. I am. No doubt. And I am having a helluva time getting anything accomplished because I have been continually asked to prove myself and subject myself to testing.
The bottom-line...
Enough is enough.
Stand-by for upload of all leads...including the ones you haven't seen yet...and when you want to know how to reorganize your business model, GENTLEMEN, I will be happy to oblige. If not, continue to fumble around and wonder.
Either way...I am teaching those who will replace your departments, organizations, administrations, and agencies...
You saw what the lay-off looked like in 2003?
I hope your portfolios are in check.
I hope your 401Ks are ready for tapping.
I hope you have a lot of Life Insurance.
Because, my friends, I might be a bitch, but death has you beat.
~AC
Thursday, May 14, 2015
My Soul
He asked me to wash Him. Because He did make it obvious that is it because I was too busy to pay full-attention to Him. But, what have I denied Him? He taught me to love...this way...the self-sacrificial...the do-or-die...make-them-see...become-a-legend...way.
He is, by far the best I have ever seen when it comes to patience, up-standing truth, and -- yes -- mercy.
He has mercy where I have justice. Justice is blind...feeling her way in the dark. But, mercy is as indispensable as rain, sunshine, moonlight, and the ocean. He is all the things we love. And I am in all the things we hate in a moment...and in the need to be in-balance...and in the victim's home...and in the days of freedom to come.
What is it going to be?
Cycles within cycles of abuse and neglect of self...
All the sin that holds our hearts far from Him and keeps us from requesting the freedom which is ours through Him.
We do it to ourselves.
We keep Him at a distance as we hold our Ego ever closer.
I wonder, what would we accomplish if we could put the weapons down, forget about the Suicide of Soul, and bring our Spiritual Truth to full-bloom.
Would we still need Him?
The answer is only...
Always.
~AC
He is, by far the best I have ever seen when it comes to patience, up-standing truth, and -- yes -- mercy.
He has mercy where I have justice. Justice is blind...feeling her way in the dark. But, mercy is as indispensable as rain, sunshine, moonlight, and the ocean. He is all the things we love. And I am in all the things we hate in a moment...and in the need to be in-balance...and in the victim's home...and in the days of freedom to come.
What is it going to be?
Cycles within cycles of abuse and neglect of self...
All the sin that holds our hearts far from Him and keeps us from requesting the freedom which is ours through Him.
We do it to ourselves.
We keep Him at a distance as we hold our Ego ever closer.
I wonder, what would we accomplish if we could put the weapons down, forget about the Suicide of Soul, and bring our Spiritual Truth to full-bloom.
Would we still need Him?
The answer is only...
Always.
~AC
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
The Sum of All Fears
God sets me free...God protects me from death...God teaches me through dreams...God gives me the ability to get out of bed and try to help victims...and God taught me to love music. God made me something more than they ever dreamed possible.
And even now...
I am more than I could ever dare to hope...
And even now...
I am more than I could ever dare to hope...
Respect
"I respect your opinion, but might I make a suggestion..." is the script.
We are all over-worked...catching-up...over-whelmed...
Clawing for rank and cash-flow and general ledger bottom-lines.
We all fight insubordination issues...to be compounded with family problems...too many bills
We all have too much overhead...back-mouthing...rude behavior...foul language.
If I was alone in the issues I face...
But we are a Team.
If I work with you it means I am on your Team and you are on Mine.
It is that freaking simple.
If you stink, I stink.
If you fly, I fly.
If you fall, I watch...and then I help you up...
If you want my respect...offer me something I can use...
So far I have made about the same impression on you as you are making on me.
Compartmentalize.
Focus.
Let's go.
~AC
We are all over-worked...catching-up...over-whelmed...
Clawing for rank and cash-flow and general ledger bottom-lines.
We all fight insubordination issues...to be compounded with family problems...too many bills
We all have too much overhead...back-mouthing...rude behavior...foul language.
If I was alone in the issues I face...
But we are a Team.
If I work with you it means I am on your Team and you are on Mine.
It is that freaking simple.
If you stink, I stink.
If you fly, I fly.
If you fall, I watch...and then I help you up...
If you want my respect...offer me something I can use...
So far I have made about the same impression on you as you are making on me.
Compartmentalize.
Focus.
Let's go.
~AC
The Eclipse
So, you want to know why I spend my days analyzing any dream I remember?
Because I have to in order to see what is going on in the world.
This morning, an eclipse...a full-solar eclipse...with a Moon so close that the circumference of the ring was nearly dimmed completely...and the stars...so many stars. A full-solar eclipse in the middle of the night. No one will believe me. But, that is what I saw. Like the three nights prior to the resurrection...no sunlight for three days or nights...the quisling night of Maudy Thursday, the entirety of Good Friday, a dark and mysterious Holy Saturday leading to the bright-dawning of Easter Sunday.
I am in Holy Saturday now.
I have no idea how long this will take.
I've been stuck in Good Friday for years.
It's an allegory.
I was on the street, walking by my old house, seeing it occupied, and moving to the top of the hill I saw the eclipse.
There was a man there -- sitting in a lawn chair on the street and watching it too. Then I entered into a house my Grandfather built but I have never seen from inside.
There was a huge party. The owner of the house, a petite blond, spoke to me. She said, "how do I get these people out of my house."
She took her cellphone and called the cops. They took the information and she hung-up. "I don't think they are going to come," she said forlornly.
"Give me your phone," I said.
She handed it over.
I redialed the number and spoke to Officer Snoopy.
"They are on their way," I told her.
Everyone disappeared...including the owner...
I heard a cash register.
Then I heard the cash register again.
Analyzed it is pretty interesting -- but the archetypes are all wrong at dreammoods.com. At least they are wrong for my interpretation. I dream in allegory...fascinating.
~AC
Because I have to in order to see what is going on in the world.
This morning, an eclipse...a full-solar eclipse...with a Moon so close that the circumference of the ring was nearly dimmed completely...and the stars...so many stars. A full-solar eclipse in the middle of the night. No one will believe me. But, that is what I saw. Like the three nights prior to the resurrection...no sunlight for three days or nights...the quisling night of Maudy Thursday, the entirety of Good Friday, a dark and mysterious Holy Saturday leading to the bright-dawning of Easter Sunday.
I am in Holy Saturday now.
I have no idea how long this will take.
I've been stuck in Good Friday for years.
It's an allegory.
I was on the street, walking by my old house, seeing it occupied, and moving to the top of the hill I saw the eclipse.
There was a man there -- sitting in a lawn chair on the street and watching it too. Then I entered into a house my Grandfather built but I have never seen from inside.
There was a huge party. The owner of the house, a petite blond, spoke to me. She said, "how do I get these people out of my house."
She took her cellphone and called the cops. They took the information and she hung-up. "I don't think they are going to come," she said forlornly.
"Give me your phone," I said.
She handed it over.
I redialed the number and spoke to Officer Snoopy.
"They are on their way," I told her.
Everyone disappeared...including the owner...
I heard a cash register.
Then I heard the cash register again.
Analyzed it is pretty interesting -- but the archetypes are all wrong at dreammoods.com. At least they are wrong for my interpretation. I dream in allegory...fascinating.
~AC
An American Ideal
Then I was in a crowd standing close beside the President. He leaned over to me and said, "What do I do?" (He was speaking of the racial rift we are facing...again...) I said, "you are very brave and I appreciate you."
People don't want to be told what to do.
They want to be empowered to decide for themselves.
Once we understand this...we have all the self-sufficiency...and self-esteem we need.
But, we have to share the knowledge.
So, share it.
Empower each other from the depths of Soul.
We are worth it.
Each of us, as an individual, is worth every kind and supportive word.
~AC
People don't want to be told what to do.
They want to be empowered to decide for themselves.
Once we understand this...we have all the self-sufficiency...and self-esteem we need.
But, we have to share the knowledge.
So, share it.
Empower each other from the depths of Soul.
We are worth it.
Each of us, as an individual, is worth every kind and supportive word.
~AC
Monday, May 11, 2015
When They Discover It...
I'm going to rocket...
All for a blissful, peaceful, and unique cause. I am so blessed. What horizons I am going to see...finally...after staring at the back of my hands for so long...and waiting for years to feel at home in my own skin...
Balance.
Actual balance.
~AC
All for a blissful, peaceful, and unique cause. I am so blessed. What horizons I am going to see...finally...after staring at the back of my hands for so long...and waiting for years to feel at home in my own skin...
Balance.
Actual balance.
~AC
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Shaddup and back-up...
No dreams last night that I remember...
I slept very well until about 7:00 AM.
I broke a champagne flute this morning...oops.
I've listened to the opinions of a bunch of assholes since I woke-up.
I guess I'm just going to have to start blocking them.
This is ridiculous. The only thing you have to complain about is the thing you are guilty of and I am too nice to constantly harp on you about it. But, what does that say about you? I guess it means that I get to control myself and my hygiene and you get to go boil your heads.
Shaddup.
###
What a splendid afternoon nap after a splendid afternoon relaxation.
I can breathe. I breathed deep. I didn't hyperventilate. I just felt the truth.
Am I learning how to increase my happiness by doing the right thing?
I am scared to death of dating because I get too attached too easily.
I am really worried about how I'll ever be brave enough to do it again.
~AC
I slept very well until about 7:00 AM.
I broke a champagne flute this morning...oops.
I've listened to the opinions of a bunch of assholes since I woke-up.
I guess I'm just going to have to start blocking them.
This is ridiculous. The only thing you have to complain about is the thing you are guilty of and I am too nice to constantly harp on you about it. But, what does that say about you? I guess it means that I get to control myself and my hygiene and you get to go boil your heads.
Shaddup.
###
What a splendid afternoon nap after a splendid afternoon relaxation.
I can breathe. I breathed deep. I didn't hyperventilate. I just felt the truth.
Am I learning how to increase my happiness by doing the right thing?
I am scared to death of dating because I get too attached too easily.
I am really worried about how I'll ever be brave enough to do it again.
~AC
Saturday, May 9, 2015
NSA...you're f*cked...
I don't want to come across as too judgmental but has anyone thought to verify my age in that video that was just released? Because there is a really good chance I was underage at the filming and that makes the NSA liable for trafficking child pornography across international lines. It looks like entrapment...but if you are actually fapping off in your office as you press send...there is a cell with your name on it too.
Oops.
I did it again.
~AC
Oops.
I did it again.
~AC
Friday, May 8, 2015
The Cliff of Insanity
They were out of view...the two women (Great-Grandmother and Great-Aunt) speaking with me...
But we were standing on a dirt path which was cutting through a field of wild, orange irises. It was beautiful. The path led to a footbridge over a swiftly running creek. The path continued up a steep grassy cliff. There was a tree on the left. I have no idea what is on top of the cliff...but I was told it was a parking lot.
The dream is telling me that I am studying my latent talents and drawing energy to enjoy them. The footbridge over water indicates overcoming an emotional issue. The tree was to my left indicating I am becoming more knowledgeable about my emotions. The creek is telling me I am maintaining a steady energy flow. The cliff is telling me that I am getting ready to make a big push towards building a career out of volunteering. The parking lot is indicative of my resting and balancing my personal life and my volunteering.
~AC
But we were standing on a dirt path which was cutting through a field of wild, orange irises. It was beautiful. The path led to a footbridge over a swiftly running creek. The path continued up a steep grassy cliff. There was a tree on the left. I have no idea what is on top of the cliff...but I was told it was a parking lot.
The dream is telling me that I am studying my latent talents and drawing energy to enjoy them. The footbridge over water indicates overcoming an emotional issue. The tree was to my left indicating I am becoming more knowledgeable about my emotions. The creek is telling me I am maintaining a steady energy flow. The cliff is telling me that I am getting ready to make a big push towards building a career out of volunteering. The parking lot is indicative of my resting and balancing my personal life and my volunteering.
~AC
Thursday, May 7, 2015
13 Minutes
What can I say that is clearly concise and succinct in 13 minutes?
Simply this...
Carefully given a chance I will speak to anyone who wants my attention and I will listen to anyone who wants my attention. But, I have about a 3 minute attention-span on a good day. That's why the leads fly out. I tap it, tap in, and tap out. Most of the criminals answer without meaning to and the dead know how precious it is to have a living person hear them so they are ready with their response of "yes."
I trust my intuition. It is one-step up from gut instinct. It comes from a similar development process except that it is psychological rather than physical. Meaning, I follow my heart and head balanced instead of waiting for that last cup of burnt, stale coffee to hit me wrong.
I still have 9 Minutes.
Now, how did I develop the heart-head balance?
Well, I started with the head...more out of external environmental factors than internal ones...
I started studying the words -- flipped them -- and applied the obvious truth of the physical clues of behavior. People blink when they lie. Only pathological liars can do it any other way. People who blink don't believe themselves. People who don't blink believe every blasted word.
But, why speak when you can telepathically communicate.
Because you can't lie when you are mind-to-mind, that's why.
4 Minutes.
I put myself in hard situations to see if I had any resilience. I dated people my parents disliked. I broke curfew. I refused to study and eventually stopped listening to my teachers altogether. The only thing I did was play piano to emote and follow the pattern of holding it in and blowing up later to see where the boundaries lay.
Found out there are really just self-imposed truths and consequences. As long as I could walk away from the beatings and hold my own against a couple of bullies I figured I was grown. That puts 17 in perspective.
Addendum:
If I can learn to control my anger, put the perspective in reality and the reality in perspective, chill it down without an anti-anxiety med, and still climb over the top of all the voices trying to hijack my thought processes, I might yet clear all the boards.
I have a lot of situations in connection.
Tennis is for love.
Chess is for all the cookies.
~AC
I still have 9 Minutes.
Now, how did I develop the heart-head balance?
Well, I started with the head...more out of external environmental factors than internal ones...
I started studying the words -- flipped them -- and applied the obvious truth of the physical clues of behavior. People blink when they lie. Only pathological liars can do it any other way. People who blink don't believe themselves. People who don't blink believe every blasted word.
But, why speak when you can telepathically communicate.
Because you can't lie when you are mind-to-mind, that's why.
4 Minutes.
I put myself in hard situations to see if I had any resilience. I dated people my parents disliked. I broke curfew. I refused to study and eventually stopped listening to my teachers altogether. The only thing I did was play piano to emote and follow the pattern of holding it in and blowing up later to see where the boundaries lay.
Found out there are really just self-imposed truths and consequences. As long as I could walk away from the beatings and hold my own against a couple of bullies I figured I was grown. That puts 17 in perspective.
Addendum:
If I can learn to control my anger, put the perspective in reality and the reality in perspective, chill it down without an anti-anxiety med, and still climb over the top of all the voices trying to hijack my thought processes, I might yet clear all the boards.
I have a lot of situations in connection.
Tennis is for love.
Chess is for all the cookies.
~AC
I'll Probably Take That Down...
But, I am only interested in being hand-clasped. Keep your money. Keep your trinkets. Keep your own house. If I want to share a bed to cuddle that is my business. And rest assured...it is for cuddling...adoption, surrogates, and IVF are more sanitary and less difficult on my body.
~AC
~AC
I'd Rather...
Slap a bitch silly than continue to listen to this shit.
If we legalize "marriage" we are Nevada.
If we legalize "civil unions" we are the United States of America.
If we perform ceremonies in the sight of God and our loved ones we are "hand-clasped".
If we put our noses in other people's butts we are dogs.
~AC
If we legalize "marriage" we are Nevada.
If we legalize "civil unions" we are the United States of America.
If we perform ceremonies in the sight of God and our loved ones we are "hand-clasped".
If we put our noses in other people's butts we are dogs.
~AC
Bringing it to a Closure
Maybe it is still too soon...
"chasing rabbits"
But, there are a few situations I'd like to bring to a close.
For instances, Luci's bad influence on my relationship with CJ is really quite irritating. And the only real solution is 300 years in Hell. Sadly...that is nearly over and Luci is getting very pent-up in his confinement. Also, sadly, CJ is unable to recognize when he is being possessed. When He was mortal...He just dealt with the temptation by out-thinking His humanity. Now, it is all in His mind...the power, lust, avarice...and He is having difficulty seeing the switch because it feels so good. It feels so good to be in control, to make puppets out of mice and men, to Lord it over the little people...and let's face it...we are all little people.
It's a psychological playpen.
The house is the world, the nursery is the throne room, and the playpen is the mind.
I'm not sure why they listen to me...but they both do...and that makes me think maybe that I'm mediating the great divorce...and that maybe the divorce is really the Cain and Abel story all over again...
Abraham and Ishmael?
Black and White and Red and Yellow...
"Black and white are all I see in my infancy...
Red and yellow then came to be...
Reaching out to me...
Let's me see." ~ Lateralus, Tool
Mix them up and make them notice where they begin and end. They can't love until they are willing to see each other by being the exception which illuminates the rules they are living by in their hearts and minds. It's all love.
It is the heart and the mind not the heart against the mind.
Balance...
Put the tools and the love together.
~AC
A Nightmare...
A friend came to me. He told me about the psychological need to move my house out of the way so I could fully experience my inner dream landscape. We looked at the paper and there was a picture of a waterfall flowing out of a cave. The waterfall was very tall and tumbled down the rocks in a fast clip. We had discussed the perfect location to perform Phantom of the Opera in High School. It was the location I dreamed about...cavernous with amazing acoustics...
With the house gone I was laying in bed. There was the maple tree above me. An owl sat in its branches and looked straight at me. Then a very violent wind blew. A dead limb fell from an oak tree and crashed down on me in the bed. There was no pain but I screamed "help" in fear as it fell. It felt very strange to be afraid.
CJ pulled me closer.
I woke up.
This is the first nightmare I can remember in years. I woke up and listened to White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane on repeat until I started feeling real again.
Translation:
I am being treated as if I have no right to privacy although HIPPA stands. I am being let in on magic and insight. I am being told to get my weight issue under control so I sleep better. It is time to heal. I am on a journey to self-discovery. I am releasing pent-up emotions. My paternal family relationship is destroyed. I need to be very careful to avoid getting carried away by emotions. I am experiencing openness, warmth, and humility. I am also experiencing loss but I have the best of the relationships in tact.
Feed your head.
Feed your head!
~AC
With the house gone I was laying in bed. There was the maple tree above me. An owl sat in its branches and looked straight at me. Then a very violent wind blew. A dead limb fell from an oak tree and crashed down on me in the bed. There was no pain but I screamed "help" in fear as it fell. It felt very strange to be afraid.
CJ pulled me closer.
I woke up.
This is the first nightmare I can remember in years. I woke up and listened to White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane on repeat until I started feeling real again.
Translation:
I am being treated as if I have no right to privacy although HIPPA stands. I am being let in on magic and insight. I am being told to get my weight issue under control so I sleep better. It is time to heal. I am on a journey to self-discovery. I am releasing pent-up emotions. My paternal family relationship is destroyed. I need to be very careful to avoid getting carried away by emotions. I am experiencing openness, warmth, and humility. I am also experiencing loss but I have the best of the relationships in tact.
Feed your head.
Feed your head!
~AC
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Valium
A little happy pill...
Hardly what I would choose but much better for me at this time, I suppose.
I would love to bring myself back up to the level of effective and mind-silent but it is time I learned to kick-out some more voices. Free-loading on my wavelengths...with this kind of superiority reserved for the gods they hold so dear.
Pyramids?
Walls?
Balustrades?
Columns?
Hut-hut.
Give me an island and a little breeze...
Maybe a ukulele to keep me comfortable with my muse close beside me.
A pile of books.
A satellite hook-up?
A bed out of the rain...
Roll-up the floor...dance on the roof...watch the world turn through seasons of a tropical sky...
Stability is a hoax worse than money...
And security is intelligence turned inside-out and up-side down.
~AC
Hardly what I would choose but much better for me at this time, I suppose.
I would love to bring myself back up to the level of effective and mind-silent but it is time I learned to kick-out some more voices. Free-loading on my wavelengths...with this kind of superiority reserved for the gods they hold so dear.
Pyramids?
Walls?
Balustrades?
Columns?
Hut-hut.
Give me an island and a little breeze...
Maybe a ukulele to keep me comfortable with my muse close beside me.
A pile of books.
A satellite hook-up?
A bed out of the rain...
Roll-up the floor...dance on the roof...watch the world turn through seasons of a tropical sky...
Stability is a hoax worse than money...
And security is intelligence turned inside-out and up-side down.
~AC
Pour it on...
It's like water on a duck's back.
The last time I fell for this I was 8. I cared about how well-dressed my Barbie doll was...was her hair pretty enough...did I have all the latest anything for her? The answer was always no. We lived in lean times. Four kids on a professor's salary...and do I even wonder how those ends met? Best not to dig too deep into that bucket of worms...
But, there are the times my Grandfather taught me about Chess. Backgammon was a mystery but Chess I got...I got the dance of the Court...the role of the Rook playing the Castle, the side-stepping Bishops, the truth of the Pawns self-sacrifice. Eight to a row, tighten up the flanks, then kamikaze with the power when it is time...no one ever sees it coming...ever...even when they know the rules of polite etiquette.
When I lose I usually do it on purpose.
Everyone needs to feel important.
I rarely know how I win.
I guess at it.
But, then Chess is about knowing the opponent.
Who expects to lose by following protocol?
Even the beginning is an ending to something.
~AC
The last time I fell for this I was 8. I cared about how well-dressed my Barbie doll was...was her hair pretty enough...did I have all the latest anything for her? The answer was always no. We lived in lean times. Four kids on a professor's salary...and do I even wonder how those ends met? Best not to dig too deep into that bucket of worms...
But, there are the times my Grandfather taught me about Chess. Backgammon was a mystery but Chess I got...I got the dance of the Court...the role of the Rook playing the Castle, the side-stepping Bishops, the truth of the Pawns self-sacrifice. Eight to a row, tighten up the flanks, then kamikaze with the power when it is time...no one ever sees it coming...ever...even when they know the rules of polite etiquette.
When I lose I usually do it on purpose.
Everyone needs to feel important.
I rarely know how I win.
I guess at it.
But, then Chess is about knowing the opponent.
Who expects to lose by following protocol?
Even the beginning is an ending to something.
~AC
The Knights' Round
It is basically unheard of to start a game with the Knights' Round. It is dangerous to send them out as errants when they are always the strongest, sneakiest pieces on the board.
Most people see the Queen as the killer with the instincts and abilities to get it done. But, in reality, her ability to move so freely is hard won. It takes many pawns clearing the path to get her out in position.
No such trouble with the knights.
They hop right over the heads of the pawns, back-track in ever stronger L-patterns...taking control...jamming up the competition...and lowering the swords, lances, and maces with gentle ease...taking position wherever they are needed with the most amazing grace.
Demoralizing.
Did you lose your Queen, Black?
How did that happen?
*giggles*
~AC
Most people see the Queen as the killer with the instincts and abilities to get it done. But, in reality, her ability to move so freely is hard won. It takes many pawns clearing the path to get her out in position.
No such trouble with the knights.
They hop right over the heads of the pawns, back-track in ever stronger L-patterns...taking control...jamming up the competition...and lowering the swords, lances, and maces with gentle ease...taking position wherever they are needed with the most amazing grace.
Demoralizing.
Did you lose your Queen, Black?
How did that happen?
*giggles*
~AC
Keeping it in Check
Well, the thoughts are attempting to brain-wreck me. I'm a woman with one mission and a myriad of goals...it seems. But, in reality, I only notice all the mental noise because I am desperately trying to keep it silent in my head.
So...many...distractions...
I could ask her why would I lie? But, that just opens me up to the entire family again...and I want to be free of that...
I could ask him why did he lie? But, that would just make me feel pitiful about myself...and I want to be free of that...
I could wonder again why are they talking about me, are they talking about me, what are the talking about, and why does it bother me...
But, the bottom-line is talk is useless and my actions are speaking now.
What do I mean...the consensus seems to be that I care too little about the service...too much about my internal workings...and never enough about what they want. But, is this really a fair assessment of my skills, desires, and abilities?
The thing about judgement is it is rarely the stick by which we measure ourselves so much as we measure the world. Money, status, power, prestige, fame, trappings of all kinds...and me...just skirting the edges and dipping into the pool of knowledge to pull out the dead, cold fish, and to pet the algae-eaters.
Someone has to keep the pool clean.
I am all out of cabana boys.
~AC
So...many...distractions...
I could ask her why would I lie? But, that just opens me up to the entire family again...and I want to be free of that...
I could ask him why did he lie? But, that would just make me feel pitiful about myself...and I want to be free of that...
I could wonder again why are they talking about me, are they talking about me, what are the talking about, and why does it bother me...
But, the bottom-line is talk is useless and my actions are speaking now.
What do I mean...the consensus seems to be that I care too little about the service...too much about my internal workings...and never enough about what they want. But, is this really a fair assessment of my skills, desires, and abilities?
The thing about judgement is it is rarely the stick by which we measure ourselves so much as we measure the world. Money, status, power, prestige, fame, trappings of all kinds...and me...just skirting the edges and dipping into the pool of knowledge to pull out the dead, cold fish, and to pet the algae-eaters.
Someone has to keep the pool clean.
I am all out of cabana boys.
~AC
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
The 2nd Circle
We are on a sky bridge. There is nothing holding it up but clouds. Shaz is driving. I am the passenger. I am playing my tenor sax. The bridge is beautiful -- a suspension marvel.
It means I am taking a passive role in defining the relationship. The bridge is the connection on all 5 paths of life: physical, emotional, intellectual, psychological, and spiritual. We are connected and the only thing that stops it is his playing the field and my desired Mastery of my chart. If we were to revolve around each other what would happen except that we would be an enclosed Universe unto ourselves?
Oh right.
That is the tragedy of the 2nd circle.
Looks like a loser on paper.
~AC
It means I am taking a passive role in defining the relationship. The bridge is the connection on all 5 paths of life: physical, emotional, intellectual, psychological, and spiritual. We are connected and the only thing that stops it is his playing the field and my desired Mastery of my chart. If we were to revolve around each other what would happen except that we would be an enclosed Universe unto ourselves?
Oh right.
That is the tragedy of the 2nd circle.
Looks like a loser on paper.
~AC
Friday, May 1, 2015
Into the Woods
Or is it a forest?
Either way I will be offline...and brilliantly following my inner muse for the next 48 hours.
Enjoy your weekend.
~AC
Either way I will be offline...and brilliantly following my inner muse for the next 48 hours.
Enjoy your weekend.
~AC
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