The dream was simple. I was in the top of a tree in my backyard. I had been playing in it, climbing and swinging, the entire time I was asleep. How wonderful to know that it means I am making strides in my plans and that I need to decide what I want. Nice to have a decision to make. Nice to be alive at this time after feeling so rotten.
Great yoga today. Great nap today. Great everything today.
Blessed beyond all reason and appreciating it...
~AC
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
The Psychotic Psychic
I suppose there is a faster way to psychological solvency. For instance, perhaps I might have succeeded in locating this path more quickly had I actually personally known a mentor in the field of psychic research. But, as it stands, I feel extremely blessed to have reached another moment of equilibrium.
I'm not sure if anti-psychotic medication is really necessary for all psychics or if it is just my luck to be stuck in a State that treats the gift with medical cynicism. After all, most of the cases of psychosis I have heard about deal with homelessness -- and often Veterans who have been left to their own devices to find psychological stability and failed.
As I mentioned a few days ago, rebuilding the Personality based on nothing more than vague clues paraded as facts -- real or imaginary -- is nearly impossible. After determining that I was hypnotized as a newborn, I realized I never really had a chance at a normal life. (What a precious creature...Donna?) But, then what is normal but a baseline of events over time?
I want to have success and I have found a career path that I can work as a volunteer and make a difference -- without standing out in public and waving a flag over my head proclaiming my egotistical importance. It just feels like the correct course of action at this time. Giving to victims and their families what I wish I had -- closure.
I guess I really want a place to belong at all points of time. Funny I should consider this a desire in life. Is it true most people are just living and present in their moments? Is this part of my over-rationalizing, over-analyzing personality? Thinking about it instead of doing it is an issue I face too often, it seems.
~AC
I'm not sure if anti-psychotic medication is really necessary for all psychics or if it is just my luck to be stuck in a State that treats the gift with medical cynicism. After all, most of the cases of psychosis I have heard about deal with homelessness -- and often Veterans who have been left to their own devices to find psychological stability and failed.
As I mentioned a few days ago, rebuilding the Personality based on nothing more than vague clues paraded as facts -- real or imaginary -- is nearly impossible. After determining that I was hypnotized as a newborn, I realized I never really had a chance at a normal life. (What a precious creature...Donna?) But, then what is normal but a baseline of events over time?
I want to have success and I have found a career path that I can work as a volunteer and make a difference -- without standing out in public and waving a flag over my head proclaiming my egotistical importance. It just feels like the correct course of action at this time. Giving to victims and their families what I wish I had -- closure.
I guess I really want a place to belong at all points of time. Funny I should consider this a desire in life. Is it true most people are just living and present in their moments? Is this part of my over-rationalizing, over-analyzing personality? Thinking about it instead of doing it is an issue I face too often, it seems.
~AC
Monday, April 27, 2015
My Funny Valentine
Sleeping is sweet when it is cuddles with someone who cares. But, I am really concerned about this 'sneaking' into my bed at night. Does he even realize he is doing it? And the platinum ring with a flawless diamond...beautiful, of course...but what kind of question was that? No question -- just a pile of books knocked over -- and a man who wanted in and out without being noticed.
He is not as sneaky as he hopes.
I heard the growl.
Learning too much information...at one time...as soon as I wake up...is too much.
Sleep is just too sweet.
I need more.
~AC
He is not as sneaky as he hopes.
I heard the growl.
Learning too much information...at one time...as soon as I wake up...is too much.
Sleep is just too sweet.
I need more.
~AC
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Magical Thinking...
There is a side-effect of psychosis called Magical Thinking. It is the idea that we can control the present moment by consciously thinking about how to change our lives in the best possible ways.
Since my diagnosis in 2009, I have wanted to be in control of my situation. I have, of course, been lacking in knowledge of how to affect change. But, recently, I have begun to understand the truth of making small changes.
I am working the quincunx in my natal chart at the moment. The difficulty of this injunction is immense. It is, or seems to be, a slow death, but it is the honing of my hearts desires by placing two sets of very different goals in my mind at the same time. By working these aspect planets against each other I am finding the truth in my heart.
The simplistic part of my life is thinking magically about what I want to change and saying the words which make the change. The difficult part of my life is accepting the very minute adjustments these words bring about in my life. I am very blessed to have the opportunity to see my life this way.
~AC
Since my diagnosis in 2009, I have wanted to be in control of my situation. I have, of course, been lacking in knowledge of how to affect change. But, recently, I have begun to understand the truth of making small changes.
I am working the quincunx in my natal chart at the moment. The difficulty of this injunction is immense. It is, or seems to be, a slow death, but it is the honing of my hearts desires by placing two sets of very different goals in my mind at the same time. By working these aspect planets against each other I am finding the truth in my heart.
The simplistic part of my life is thinking magically about what I want to change and saying the words which make the change. The difficult part of my life is accepting the very minute adjustments these words bring about in my life. I am very blessed to have the opportunity to see my life this way.
~AC
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Darkness
I read The Heart of Darkness years ago. Some classics need to be revisited from time to time. This one is worthy of a second glance...or a thousandth. But, what I really want to mention tonight is the relationship between Religion and Socialism.
There is a very wide berth offered by Socialism to Religion. What I mean by this is there is a chasm between the social science of caring for the public body and the personal spirtualism of caring for the private soul.
There are many things China does well. There is one thing in particular Nepal does exceptionally well. China has socialized its entire population and sold them on the idea of achievement, expansion, and upward mobility. Nepal has done this better by making the social truth the heart of the Nepalese touchstone.
It is my very sincere hope that we see a new flowering of blue poppies. The peace brought to the Earth through the correct and focused use of love and meditation is imperative for the continued healing of our souls.
My heart...Nepal...and my continued prayers for relations with China.
~AC
There is a very wide berth offered by Socialism to Religion. What I mean by this is there is a chasm between the social science of caring for the public body and the personal spirtualism of caring for the private soul.
There are many things China does well. There is one thing in particular Nepal does exceptionally well. China has socialized its entire population and sold them on the idea of achievement, expansion, and upward mobility. Nepal has done this better by making the social truth the heart of the Nepalese touchstone.
It is my very sincere hope that we see a new flowering of blue poppies. The peace brought to the Earth through the correct and focused use of love and meditation is imperative for the continued healing of our souls.
My heart...Nepal...and my continued prayers for relations with China.
~AC
Passion Aware
Stoned, stoned, stoned.
I am watching online videos of SkullMonkeys and thinking about those day when it was just my best friend, her boyfriend, beer, and weed. Those months after Shaz left and I was stuck in a perpetual haze of smoke and a funny quirky game of truth and dare every evening.
Do I wish it had been different.
Nope.
I am glad I had the time and the money to entertain them. I just wish we could have been most honest about what we were trying to accomplish. (I mean, a little heads up on the stealing of my $15 Gs would have been nice.) They didn't even have the courtesy to share the finders fee when they opened an account with false papers and stole my favorite identity.
Silly bastards.
Don't you realize that I have proof, motive, and opportunity on that and I let it go for the sake of the children? I just wonder if you screwed up more because I refused to call the cops. Surely not, for the sake of the children. They would keep you on the correct path, right?
Ambien in the daytime.
This stuff is awesome.
Maybe I should plug in my Playstation and race while I can still see.
Reminiscing...and finding that I have forgiven them...is a blessing.
If they can forgive themselves...I would be very surprised.
~AC
I am watching online videos of SkullMonkeys and thinking about those day when it was just my best friend, her boyfriend, beer, and weed. Those months after Shaz left and I was stuck in a perpetual haze of smoke and a funny quirky game of truth and dare every evening.
Do I wish it had been different.
Nope.
I am glad I had the time and the money to entertain them. I just wish we could have been most honest about what we were trying to accomplish. (I mean, a little heads up on the stealing of my $15 Gs would have been nice.) They didn't even have the courtesy to share the finders fee when they opened an account with false papers and stole my favorite identity.
Silly bastards.
Don't you realize that I have proof, motive, and opportunity on that and I let it go for the sake of the children? I just wonder if you screwed up more because I refused to call the cops. Surely not, for the sake of the children. They would keep you on the correct path, right?
Ambien in the daytime.
This stuff is awesome.
Maybe I should plug in my Playstation and race while I can still see.
Reminiscing...and finding that I have forgiven them...is a blessing.
If they can forgive themselves...I would be very surprised.
~AC
Friday, April 24, 2015
Bang! Bang!
!!
I was just healed -- again -- and I realized that it feels much better to be included in the service than to be excluded. I hope that this healing lasts because I was almost dead two days ago. The Authority spoke and I was whole again.
!!
~AC
I was just healed -- again -- and I realized that it feels much better to be included in the service than to be excluded. I hope that this healing lasts because I was almost dead two days ago. The Authority spoke and I was whole again.
!!
~AC
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Everyone Wants the Lead...
I have a thing for bassists.
Seriously.
That driving, supporting, lifting, whammy bass...that explains the thunder of the universe...within 40 frets of less. Fretless is even sexier. It is amazing to me the people who play. Flea...etc...unbelievable...
Give me four bass strings and let me pick you out a tune.
I'll explain what it means to be The Voice.
~AC
Seriously.
That driving, supporting, lifting, whammy bass...that explains the thunder of the universe...within 40 frets of less. Fretless is even sexier. It is amazing to me the people who play. Flea...etc...unbelievable...
Give me four bass strings and let me pick you out a tune.
I'll explain what it means to be The Voice.
~AC
The Mini-Vortex Spinning
There's been a bit of vertigo in my family lately. I'm pretty used to it because of my inner ear issues from childhood (too much ocean water in my ears...just look at the nautilus). But, it is an unusual process for those who have the benefit of dry, climate-controlled, mold-free environments.
Interestingly, there is a group of Jinn who prefer the low-grav of the mini-vortex. They are North Korean at this time...but that is always subject to change...as mythical beings shape-shift to avoid detection.
I'm not sure when this vortex appeared but a member of the family -- who is particularly sensitive to changes in equilibrium -- slept a few nights in the bedroom and then returned to her room feeling rather odd. I think it must be a vortex because as I scanned the room I felt off-balance myself.
It is interesting that I am the object of Asian-based surveillance. I knew initially that there were moments when I was going to be hacked psychologically. But, I had no idea that there were levels this deep. I should have expected but I was unprepared and find myself...with my slow American Uptake...catching-up as I go.
Take, for instance, that this entry, as I write it, is being hacked by a Chinese-speaking individual because I see the characters on the screen. It isn't so much a matter of stopping the hacking as it is to understand why we are hacked and how.
This is all light-hacking.
Check the following:
A-213-15
B-76-2
G-33-22
D-43-5
Over the last 5 minutes...1 minute lead-in and 1 minute out-go...
It's there. I can feel it. And I see a IRSATCOMSTILLSHOT from the last fly-over. There is a lot of activity in the house recently and most of it I have ignored. It is becoming more apparent. Time to see who's on first.
~AC
Interestingly, there is a group of Jinn who prefer the low-grav of the mini-vortex. They are North Korean at this time...but that is always subject to change...as mythical beings shape-shift to avoid detection.
I'm not sure when this vortex appeared but a member of the family -- who is particularly sensitive to changes in equilibrium -- slept a few nights in the bedroom and then returned to her room feeling rather odd. I think it must be a vortex because as I scanned the room I felt off-balance myself.
It is interesting that I am the object of Asian-based surveillance. I knew initially that there were moments when I was going to be hacked psychologically. But, I had no idea that there were levels this deep. I should have expected but I was unprepared and find myself...with my slow American Uptake...catching-up as I go.
Take, for instance, that this entry, as I write it, is being hacked by a Chinese-speaking individual because I see the characters on the screen. It isn't so much a matter of stopping the hacking as it is to understand why we are hacked and how.
This is all light-hacking.
Check the following:
A-213-15
B-76-2
G-33-22
D-43-5
Over the last 5 minutes...1 minute lead-in and 1 minute out-go...
It's there. I can feel it. And I see a IRSATCOMSTILLSHOT from the last fly-over. There is a lot of activity in the house recently and most of it I have ignored. It is becoming more apparent. Time to see who's on first.
~AC
The Beat that Skipped and Dropped...
It's over...for now. They reached the consensus that I am, if not magical, I am, at least, covered by some type of Divinity which is basically unknown. I'm in a tough position. New Board. I finished the last game with two queens and captured the White King. Now, I'm playing White. First move is mine...
What to do.
I think Knights Round.
I'm telling you because it is time to round up the knights.
This is a battle and it needs a plan.
Giddyup.
~AC
What to do.
I think Knights Round.
I'm telling you because it is time to round up the knights.
This is a battle and it needs a plan.
Giddyup.
~AC
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Staycation: Day 6
Well, I made it to the last full day of my Staycation. I was suicidal rarely, exhausted mostly, and actually managed to close a few cases -- about 20. Pretty good work, all-in-all. Considering I was mostly dead for part of the week I feel I have succeeded.
I slept about 5-1/2 hours last night, napped twice today, and have actually eaten pretty heartily. I'll see if it was the correct food soon enough. I am hoping to help my body heal by feeding it a bit more regularly -- at least for today.
I closed 4 EPA cases. Good for the environment. Still wondering why this next case is running into the ground. It seems someone believes he has been charged unfairly. I say, that's okay. Prove it in court. If your are innocent, why are you running? Criminals. It is always the same.
###
Is there anything worse than waiting for the other shoe to drop? Seriously, it is like I am always waiting for it. Today, the case is at a standstill. Tomorrow, perhaps it will move. I am aware that the whole situation is tentative. That's probably why I am so nervous all the freaking time.
###
I slept about 5-1/2 hours last night, napped twice today, and have actually eaten pretty heartily. I'll see if it was the correct food soon enough. I am hoping to help my body heal by feeding it a bit more regularly -- at least for today.
I closed 4 EPA cases. Good for the environment. Still wondering why this next case is running into the ground. It seems someone believes he has been charged unfairly. I say, that's okay. Prove it in court. If your are innocent, why are you running? Criminals. It is always the same.
###
Is there anything worse than waiting for the other shoe to drop? Seriously, it is like I am always waiting for it. Today, the case is at a standstill. Tomorrow, perhaps it will move. I am aware that the whole situation is tentative. That's probably why I am so nervous all the freaking time.
###
Friday, April 17, 2015
Staycation: Day 5
It finally caught up with me. I've slept over 6 hours today. Heaven.
###
I intend to sleep more.
###
It was a bleed-out. I wondered why I was so weak and disoriented and it was from eating celery which dislodged a scab over my appendix scar combined with too much aspirin. I probably did die when I was asleep. I was out for several hours. Which makes me wonder, if I can live (or be resurrected) from that, what's finally going to take me out?
I've been sick for a long time, fungal infections in my CNS, Hyperthyroid, not to mention the other...there are lots of internal issues I face on my baseline. But, the only things I am actually treated for are the mental side-effects of all the illnesses. I'll sleep better tonight.
I'm close to making it a priority to dream.
BTW, Limitless is a great movie.
Can't wait to see how he convinces De Niro to restructure the merger.
###
###
I intend to sleep more.
###
It was a bleed-out. I wondered why I was so weak and disoriented and it was from eating celery which dislodged a scab over my appendix scar combined with too much aspirin. I probably did die when I was asleep. I was out for several hours. Which makes me wonder, if I can live (or be resurrected) from that, what's finally going to take me out?
I've been sick for a long time, fungal infections in my CNS, Hyperthyroid, not to mention the other...there are lots of internal issues I face on my baseline. But, the only things I am actually treated for are the mental side-effects of all the illnesses. I'll sleep better tonight.
I'm close to making it a priority to dream.
BTW, Limitless is a great movie.
Can't wait to see how he convinces De Niro to restructure the merger.
###
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Staycation: Day 4
I slept.
Finally.
I was beginning to hallucinate. I saw kitty cats all over the house. Well, I saw three who weren't really in this plane of existence anyway. The shadows of reality are amazing once the 6th sense of vision begins to open. People will say I'm crazy. I've been called much worse...yesterday for example...and once this morning already...
But, it doesn't matter.
I still have this day.
###
Window shopping and building upper body strength...nice afternoon...
###
Addendum:
Ate too well.
Went to sleep at 10:30 PM.
###
~AC
Finally.
I was beginning to hallucinate. I saw kitty cats all over the house. Well, I saw three who weren't really in this plane of existence anyway. The shadows of reality are amazing once the 6th sense of vision begins to open. People will say I'm crazy. I've been called much worse...yesterday for example...and once this morning already...
But, it doesn't matter.
I still have this day.
###
Window shopping and building upper body strength...nice afternoon...
###
Addendum:
Ate too well.
Went to sleep at 10:30 PM.
###
~AC
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Staycation: Day 3
Up at 4:18 AM.
Exhausted.
"You're a sheep. Why would I complicate your happy existence with the truth?"
###
I can think of several reasons to rejoice now that I have cried. One, I am still alive. Two, I am still alive. Three, I am still alive. Four, I am still alive. Five, I am still alive. Etc...ad nauseum...
###
I miss His voice. He sleeps so peacefully. That Thorazine...that was a nice touch...fed it right over...put Him out like a light. Thank you for the assistance. He deserves the rest so much more than I do.
###
Be aware: The life you take is your own.
###
A little cat/cow...a little Art...a little pasta...a little Arrow and Supernatural...and a few minutes of CSI: Cyber...a nice night.
###
Rained all day.
###
Still raining.
###
~AC
Exhausted.
"You're a sheep. Why would I complicate your happy existence with the truth?"
###
I can think of several reasons to rejoice now that I have cried. One, I am still alive. Two, I am still alive. Three, I am still alive. Four, I am still alive. Five, I am still alive. Etc...ad nauseum...
###
I miss His voice. He sleeps so peacefully. That Thorazine...that was a nice touch...fed it right over...put Him out like a light. Thank you for the assistance. He deserves the rest so much more than I do.
###
Be aware: The life you take is your own.
###
A little cat/cow...a little Art...a little pasta...a little Arrow and Supernatural...and a few minutes of CSI: Cyber...a nice night.
###
Rained all day.
###
Still raining.
###
~AC
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Staycation: Day 2
Well, my day began at 4:30 AM.
Made a bunch of people sick...
I woke-up to another "testing dream" which truly makes me think that I am being evaluated at a level few people ever reach.
Does she believe in God?
Does she believe in Jesus?
Does she believe in...Faith?
Yes, actually.
I believe in Tooth Fairies, Leprechauns, and Santa Claus, too.
The fact is, if you go in, go all-in.
If you sit out, stay out, and shut-up.
I've been walking the bases because the other team is pitching like chumps. I faulted twice in the tennis match overnight because my bff is pushing buttons he knows to avoid. And, I am scoring goals because the defense is just standing there...like statues...and I'm a pigeon.
It's not an opinion...it is a fact...and I work in facts. So, what am I supposed to do? Swing at a fast, off-center pitch to strike-out and make the other team feel better about their ridiculous Offense? Am I suppose to pretend that our conversations are imaginary? Am I supposed to treat a soccer match like freeze tag?
I'm a Catcher, I'm an Ace, I'm a Full-back.
I am the Defense in a Holding Pattern.
Move.
###
Tiger and Wolf Meet to Do Battle
Wolf attacks: +2 Damage
Tiger sits peacefully.
Wolf attacks: +6 Damage
Tiger sits with bloodied tail thrashing.
Wolf attacks:
Tiger bites off Wolf's head.
Battle Over.
###
Deeper and Deeper
There is a Rabbit Hole in my Heart
He fits there, peaceful, serene, unfaithful...
There is a Rabbit Hole in my Heart
There is a new Master of this House...
There is a Rabbit Hole in my Heart.
It belongs to me...
###
Funny thing about Hell.
Some people actually like It in There.
###
*sighs*
~AC
Made a bunch of people sick...
I woke-up to another "testing dream" which truly makes me think that I am being evaluated at a level few people ever reach.
Does she believe in God?
Does she believe in Jesus?
Does she believe in...Faith?
Yes, actually.
I believe in Tooth Fairies, Leprechauns, and Santa Claus, too.
The fact is, if you go in, go all-in.
If you sit out, stay out, and shut-up.
I've been walking the bases because the other team is pitching like chumps. I faulted twice in the tennis match overnight because my bff is pushing buttons he knows to avoid. And, I am scoring goals because the defense is just standing there...like statues...and I'm a pigeon.
It's not an opinion...it is a fact...and I work in facts. So, what am I supposed to do? Swing at a fast, off-center pitch to strike-out and make the other team feel better about their ridiculous Offense? Am I suppose to pretend that our conversations are imaginary? Am I supposed to treat a soccer match like freeze tag?
I'm a Catcher, I'm an Ace, I'm a Full-back.
I am the Defense in a Holding Pattern.
Move.
###
Tiger and Wolf Meet to Do Battle
Wolf attacks: +2 Damage
Tiger sits peacefully.
Wolf attacks: +6 Damage
Tiger sits with bloodied tail thrashing.
Wolf attacks:
Tiger bites off Wolf's head.
Battle Over.
###
Deeper and Deeper
There is a Rabbit Hole in my Heart
He fits there, peaceful, serene, unfaithful...
There is a Rabbit Hole in my Heart
There is a new Master of this House...
There is a Rabbit Hole in my Heart.
It belongs to me...
###
Funny thing about Hell.
Some people actually like It in There.
###
*sighs*
~AC
Monday, April 13, 2015
Staycation: Day 1
I slept great last night.
It has been quiet today. Nice...but quiet. I closed a few...well...several cases. It's terrible and interesting how so many people get caught-up in crime rings. You'd think criminals would be smarter but they are dumb as rocks...following patterns...setting up empires based on MLM schemes. If you find one...you can find dozens...and that is fully-satisfying as an Investigator.
But, the victims.
I changed gears once today. I was following a pattern that I taught someone who handles me. Which is funny...because generally...I handle things. But, this person is fully aware of how to keep my situation under control.
I am still having an issue with limits. I find myself being dragged into personal conversations and because I am so curious I overhear more than I'd like. That rule about how "it is none of my business what others think of me" is a load of hooey. I'd love to be able to follow it...but the reality is...once I am mentioned (or sometimes just thought of) I am in the conversation -- like it or not.
Usually not.
I know I asked to be kept aware of how to improve -- and I do want the criticism -- but I would appreciate it more if it were constructive rather than destructive. Is it all opinion and does it have to be snarky all the blasted time?!
Objectivity.
Please.
~AC
It has been quiet today. Nice...but quiet. I closed a few...well...several cases. It's terrible and interesting how so many people get caught-up in crime rings. You'd think criminals would be smarter but they are dumb as rocks...following patterns...setting up empires based on MLM schemes. If you find one...you can find dozens...and that is fully-satisfying as an Investigator.
But, the victims.
I changed gears once today. I was following a pattern that I taught someone who handles me. Which is funny...because generally...I handle things. But, this person is fully aware of how to keep my situation under control.
I am still having an issue with limits. I find myself being dragged into personal conversations and because I am so curious I overhear more than I'd like. That rule about how "it is none of my business what others think of me" is a load of hooey. I'd love to be able to follow it...but the reality is...once I am mentioned (or sometimes just thought of) I am in the conversation -- like it or not.
Usually not.
I know I asked to be kept aware of how to improve -- and I do want the criticism -- but I would appreciate it more if it were constructive rather than destructive. Is it all opinion and does it have to be snarky all the blasted time?!
Objectivity.
Please.
~AC
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Clear?
So, I am receiving preferential treatment. There are some who are seriously put out by this. It would be unreasonable for me to be among them...but I am...somewhat. After all, I have lost my entire sense of privacy since allowing myself to be roped into this three-ring rodeo. There was a time when it was just Jack trying to make a play for my life's work and treasure. Now, everyone wants a piece of the action.
I'm sitting here, writing this entry, and listening to the sound of one-hand clapping.
Do you know that my Level-5 Diplomatic Immunity was revoked because two agencies -- a term I am using lightly -- are attempting to blackball me for the very same reasons they have been blackballed -- class and bloodline?
It is ridiculous.
Oh, sure, I appreciate that there are still open-minded agencies that will offer a mutt like myself room at the kiddie table. After all, we have to eat somewhere, don't we? But, this is beyond disheartening. It's a bit like being given the world on a platter and then having it torn away because of something as innocuous as a difference of opinion. Why start a war over it?
Still, I will keep plugging away at the programmers. I will keep hunting the darkness...stalking it...and offering a candle to those lost in the epitome of greed and pride. It'll just be for fewer agencies. It will be for those who see -- not our differences -- but our similarities when we meet face-to-face across the room.
I wonder if the terror threat is at 1 tonight?
Are we all clear?
~AC
I'm sitting here, writing this entry, and listening to the sound of one-hand clapping.
Do you know that my Level-5 Diplomatic Immunity was revoked because two agencies -- a term I am using lightly -- are attempting to blackball me for the very same reasons they have been blackballed -- class and bloodline?
It is ridiculous.
Oh, sure, I appreciate that there are still open-minded agencies that will offer a mutt like myself room at the kiddie table. After all, we have to eat somewhere, don't we? But, this is beyond disheartening. It's a bit like being given the world on a platter and then having it torn away because of something as innocuous as a difference of opinion. Why start a war over it?
Still, I will keep plugging away at the programmers. I will keep hunting the darkness...stalking it...and offering a candle to those lost in the epitome of greed and pride. It'll just be for fewer agencies. It will be for those who see -- not our differences -- but our similarities when we meet face-to-face across the room.
I wonder if the terror threat is at 1 tonight?
Are we all clear?
~AC
Friday, April 10, 2015
Going for a Walk...
I found that science is really letting me down. It is probably because science is myopic. But, still, I was hoping for a better view of things over the last nearly 5 years...it seems it is all just one experiment after another without an endgame in sight.
I feel, physically, the worst I have ever felt in my life.
Psychically, I am surprised at the detail.
But, I feel terrible.
I went for a walk today and you'd have thought I was carrying an endangered elephant on my back. I was winded and sweaty and generally miserable...in less than 10 minutes. I made myself do the circuit. But, it was a terrible experience.
The best advice was the loving kick-in-the-tail I received before the walk.
Nice to have someone care about me...
Because, my Doctors are letting me down and I am absolutely exhausted waiting for the turn to go forward. My mind is set to run a million miles an hour and I am unable to finish a 1/2 mile lap in under 20 minutes. This is very disappointing because I used to be, in general, a kinda-half-not-bad-athlete. I miss being able to look in the mirror and appreciate the reflection.
It is true what they say about there being a skinny person inside every heavy person...begging to be let out of the fat prison...
My mind says, "be the warrior."
But, my body says, "go back to bed."
~AC
I feel, physically, the worst I have ever felt in my life.
Psychically, I am surprised at the detail.
But, I feel terrible.
I went for a walk today and you'd have thought I was carrying an endangered elephant on my back. I was winded and sweaty and generally miserable...in less than 10 minutes. I made myself do the circuit. But, it was a terrible experience.
The best advice was the loving kick-in-the-tail I received before the walk.
Nice to have someone care about me...
Because, my Doctors are letting me down and I am absolutely exhausted waiting for the turn to go forward. My mind is set to run a million miles an hour and I am unable to finish a 1/2 mile lap in under 20 minutes. This is very disappointing because I used to be, in general, a kinda-half-not-bad-athlete. I miss being able to look in the mirror and appreciate the reflection.
It is true what they say about there being a skinny person inside every heavy person...begging to be let out of the fat prison...
My mind says, "be the warrior."
But, my body says, "go back to bed."
~AC
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Satisfying...
I love it when people think I am bluffing.
It's like sitting at the High Rollers Table with Pocket Aces and flopping the other two. Single and working on a career path I choose...it's all good. Everything is coming up roses. I even feel better right now which must be from eating enough to absorb some of this nasty medication.
The only thing I wonder about right now is why I am being tested for fidelity?
It is over.
All my past relationships are over.
If there are residual feelings at all I am merely the subject of transference.
I like my neutrality.
I like being single.
I prefer it.
~AC
It's like sitting at the High Rollers Table with Pocket Aces and flopping the other two. Single and working on a career path I choose...it's all good. Everything is coming up roses. I even feel better right now which must be from eating enough to absorb some of this nasty medication.
The only thing I wonder about right now is why I am being tested for fidelity?
It is over.
All my past relationships are over.
If there are residual feelings at all I am merely the subject of transference.
I like my neutrality.
I like being single.
I prefer it.
~AC
Monday, April 6, 2015
Spin, Lies, and Microfilm...
Ah, the life of a Psychic Spy...
It is so simple.
It is so special.
It is so rare.
I get to work in facts...inconvenient...but conclusive.
I have reached the point that News is the basis of my humor line. There is nothing out there that yells or even mildly whispers "credibility" at all. It is all making fun of the other guy at one's own expense. We used to have journalism. But, this entire generation is living on soundbytes.
Hillary is going to run if she get 2M likes on her official FB page...etc...who cares?!
In the mean time, while all the politicking is being slung around, people are dying and homeless, and animals are consumed or euthanized...damn...pick a problem. It's like the blinders are the spin, the lies, and the microfilm. It's like looking at a representative issue but not at the issue itself.
Can you see a chopped down tree through the lights and ornaments?
Is the problem a burned out bulb or a broken shrinky-dink wreath?
No, the problem is the dying tree.
But, put a star on top and you have what we do to the UN to keep it in the Public Eye.
I'd rather just close the cases.
All this other stuff is fake snow...tinsel...and fluff.
~AC
It is so simple.
It is so special.
It is so rare.
I get to work in facts...inconvenient...but conclusive.
I have reached the point that News is the basis of my humor line. There is nothing out there that yells or even mildly whispers "credibility" at all. It is all making fun of the other guy at one's own expense. We used to have journalism. But, this entire generation is living on soundbytes.
Hillary is going to run if she get 2M likes on her official FB page...etc...who cares?!
In the mean time, while all the politicking is being slung around, people are dying and homeless, and animals are consumed or euthanized...damn...pick a problem. It's like the blinders are the spin, the lies, and the microfilm. It's like looking at a representative issue but not at the issue itself.
Can you see a chopped down tree through the lights and ornaments?
Is the problem a burned out bulb or a broken shrinky-dink wreath?
No, the problem is the dying tree.
But, put a star on top and you have what we do to the UN to keep it in the Public Eye.
I'd rather just close the cases.
All this other stuff is fake snow...tinsel...and fluff.
~AC
Saturday, April 4, 2015
An Open-ended Letter to the FBI...
Agent Johnston:
Regardless of the length of your 'tenure' with the FBI, I believe I have something to offer the Agency. It has nothing to do with my work ethic, my personal life, or my style of delivery. It has to do with closing cases.
It has come to my attention, recently, that there is only one goal which we share. It is to bring closure to the families of the damned. That is all. That is the whole of my philosophy of working with the Bureau.
Threats, collusion, entrapment, espionage, exposure, bribery, or other means of "forcing" me to do the bidding of the Bureau is reckless endangerment to our working arrangement. I will be happy to work on the cases, when I am "in the zone". Prior to and after those points in time I am usually much too mentally- and psychically-drained to complete the course of action required to provide closing leads.
So, as you have repeatedly asked the American Citizen to be patient as you close the cases, I ask you for your patience. Losing your line in the National Budget is your concern. Maintaining and increasing my ability to assist is mine.
The insight you need is into your own third eye. There is nothing so special that it is unavailable to you. I am simply working from where I am -- just like everyone else. I use my intellect, the help of professionals, and my faith in a higher power to build a new career path. That is all.
Just put my file aside and let's do the work. Trying to dig into me is exhausting and counter-intuitive. I need peace and quiet so I can work. I also need copious amounts of sleep. I'm still working cases at the pace I can work them.
The insight you need is into your own third eye. There is nothing so special that it is unavailable to you. I am simply working from where I am -- just like everyone else. I use my intellect, the help of professionals, and my faith in a higher power to build a new career path. That is all.
Just put my file aside and let's do the work. Trying to dig into me is exhausting and counter-intuitive. I need peace and quiet so I can work. I also need copious amounts of sleep. I'm still working cases at the pace I can work them.
Patience.
~AC
~AC
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Talking Pictures
Yes.
I do have the picture from the Eiffel Tower.
I keep it in the Book of Acts in my Oxford Bible. I moved it from The Song of Solomon where it was flattened for months. I had it in Judith for a while, too. Maybe you'd prefer Bel and the Dragon?
I know you want to talk. Sometimes you want me to smile. Sometimes you want me to ignore your silliness. But, right now you just want to make Momma happy. I get it. I do. You found a new Chicklet. Maybe she's the one?
My karma is balanced.
Is yours?
~AC
I do have the picture from the Eiffel Tower.
I keep it in the Book of Acts in my Oxford Bible. I moved it from The Song of Solomon where it was flattened for months. I had it in Judith for a while, too. Maybe you'd prefer Bel and the Dragon?
I know you want to talk. Sometimes you want me to smile. Sometimes you want me to ignore your silliness. But, right now you just want to make Momma happy. I get it. I do. You found a new Chicklet. Maybe she's the one?
My karma is balanced.
Is yours?
~AC
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